After 3 years of surviving the pandemic in China, I decided to leave for a sabbatical (a fancier word for ‘period of unemployment’). I determined that I needed a well-deserved break from all things China and to escape the madness. I made it home for Christmas and felt like Chris Rea on my way back, but where he was surrounded by traffic and red lights, I was surrounded by hazmat suits and red communist flags, otherwise exactly the same.
The Christmas period is a great time to be home. Everyone’s off work, there’s football on every day, and there’s an acceptance to drink alcohol with breakfast. It was great to catch up with friends and family after 3 long years, but after the Christmas period, things return to normal very quickly. People go back to work and some begin ‘dry January’ which makes you question your friendship with them. It is especially hard for those in a period of unemployment as you’re left with very little to do, which is when I got that ‘itchy feet’ feeling. I resolved my underlying skin issues (atopic dermatitis, if you were wondering) and then I got the desire to travel.
It’s rare to have such an opportunity to travel for a long period of time. At my age, it was probably the last chance to enjoy a 3-month trip before settling down. Not that I’m old, but it just starts to become weird if you’re that older guy still kicking it with the kids. Anyway, I began planning my trip with the possibility to go anywhere! Asia? I’ve covered most of that. Russia? Too hostile. Africa? Too destitute. You know, when I’m on holiday I don’t want poverty to bring my mood down. So, I settled on two parts of the world I have never been to before - Central and South America. Sure, there’s poverty in that part of the world, but it’s less shocking, so it’s easier to ignore.
I started planning meticulously where to go, where to stay, what to do, but it’s exhausting for a trip of this magnitude. I’d be travelling by myself, so I’d be free to do anything I wanted, but I didn’t know where to start. A friend had told me about joining a tour group where the itinerary is planned for you, accommodation is booked, a tour guide explains everything to you, and you don’t have to worry about speaking the local lingo. The only downside is that you don’t get to choose the people you’ll be spending a number of weeks with. They could be narcissists, sex offenders, or even worse Tottenham fans. Despite this risk, I decided to go for it. It definitely seemed the easier option compared to staying in hostels and trying to make friends on a daily basis. I couldn’t face the potential rejection as I face enough rejection on dating apps.
It was all set 3 weeks in Central America travelling through Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Costa Rica. From there I would fly to South America through Peru, Bolivia, Chile, Argentina, Uruguay, and Brazil over 10 weeks.
Guatemala
The meeting point for the tour was in
Antigua, Guatemala. This is where I’d meet the group members. The groups are
advertised to 18-30 somethings, and I was hoping the group would have a few
more 30 somethings than 18-year-olds. I checked into the hotel and had arrived
before my roommate. I dropped my bag and found that the meeting time was 6pm,
which gave me time to explore Antigua.
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| A beautiful place to begin the tour |
When I returned to the hotel that evening, I opened the door to the hotel to meet my roommate, AJ. He was wearing nothing but a towel. I didn’t know where to look, but I knew where not to look. I shook his hand and introduced myself while trying to act cool and casual. Contrary to the rumours, I try not to make a habit of meeting men in changing rooms where they’re only wearing towels. AJ and I chatted about how we’d spent the last couple of days getting to Guatemala and then realised we were late for the meeting. We raced down and joined the meeting where my expectations were interrupted. The group of people I met were more likely to have been born in 1918-1930 something rather than being aged 18-30 something. I wondered what I had gotten myself into. What I realised was that there are younger tour groups available, but I had opted for the ‘comfort’ tour meaning it was aimed at people of all ages. I felt that I was on a SAGA holiday.
Over the coming weeks, I would get to know everyone on the tour, but the first person was Georgie, mid-20s, from Bath. As one of the few youngsters on the tour, I was drawn to her immediately. She gave me someone to bond with and through a quick chat we realised we had a mutual friend. Her best friend from school also moved to Beijing and played for Beijing Celtic Ladies! Not that I played for Beijing Celtic Ladies, but you know what I mean.
Honduras
The next day we were already on the move to Honduras. All aboard the early bus and I got chatting to Raymond, 60-ish, from Belfast. Within seconds we established we are both Gooners and spent the next 5 hours on the bus talking about how much we love William Saliba. He also explained that he was teetotal as he’d many bad experiences with alcohol. His bad experiences that lead to him giving up the booze sounded like standard Saturday nights for me. I told him he was just hitting his stride during that period.
My knowledge of all things Honduran was
limited to Maynor Figueroa and Wilson Palacios (the latter having played for
Sp*rs, so we weren’t off to a great start). We were taken to the ruins of
Copan, which is an archaeological site of the Maya civilization. Geographically,
the Mayans were located from Southern Mexico down as far as El Salvador. Their
civilisation dates as far back as 2000 B.C., but the city of Copan was
established around 426 A.D. The ancient Mayans have been credited with many
great inventions including the concept of the number ‘0’, chocolate, a complex
calendar system, a written language, and astronomy. They also massacred people
and sacrificed children to the gods. Copan may be the only place more dangerous
for children than the set of ITV’s This Morning.
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| Nature has reclaimed the buildings of the past |
El Salvador
Only a day was spent in Honduras exploring the ruins before we were back on the bus and off to El Salvador. El Salvador had been in the news recently for the opening of their ‘mega prison’ which can contain up to 40,000 prisoners. For years, El Salvador had some of the worst gang crime in the world, which president Nayib Bukele was determined to tackle. He gave approval to the police forces to arrest any suspected gang members with gang tattoos being enough evidence to arrest and sentence them. His tough stance on crime has seen more than 64,000 people arrested. The effects of this have reduced crime rates and the homicide rate has remained at 0 for the past year.
Our tour guide, Choco (a nickname given to him regarding his poor eyesight), warned us about the political changes in the country with the caveat that these don’t affect tourists. One concerned group member was Tommy, 40-ish, from Chicago and the most flamboyantly gay man I have ever met. He was concerned that he would be targeted and arrested for his tattoos. Unless there is a gang in El Salvador that uses a unicorn as their gang symbol, then Tommy had nothing to worry about. Tommy and I got on really well, as it went. He was very self-indulgent and all conversations revolved around him. I didn’t mind him and found his flamboyant ways quite funny. Tommy liked spending time with me for obvious reasons. I’m very much a lust object for the homosexuals, I’m used to the attention.
Our first stop in El Salvador was the quaint town of Suchitoto. This tranquil, colonial town was picturesque, but it came with a dark history. During the Salvadoran Civil War, the surrounding jungle wilderness was the hiding spots for the guerrilla fighters who fought against the El Salvadoran national military. They were fighting in response to the mistreatment of the poor, the assassination of Archbishop Oscar Romero, and an alliance with the United States. During the height of the war, many people had moved from the towns to the underground tunnels in the surrounding mountains. We went on a guided hiking tour to see these former guerrilla settlements. Everyone in the group signed up for the tour including Ian, 78, from Liverpool. Everyone asked him if he was certain that he wanted to go, not because of any physical worries, but because he was legally blind. When I was back home and imagined my tour, I thought I would share experiences with new friends, go for beers with the lads, and even meet a few saucy birds, I didn’t think I’d be hanging out with David Blunkett. Out came his white stick and off he went tapping his way through the forest with Choco on hand to guide him. “Watch that rock on your left. Be careful of the tree stump on the right. Make sure you don’t step off the 50-foot drop.”
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| Guns and bullet holes are reminders of the war |
We moved on to the town of El Cuco, San Miguel. The trip had been a whirlwind up to this point. Every day we were doing a tour or on the road, but arriving in El Cuco made us feel that we were finally on holiday. It was an idyllic town on the beach. I assume that due to the country’s reputation for crime and violence, there isn’t much tourism in El Salvador. This beautiful spot was pretty much void of tourists, which was great for us. We spent the next few days relaxing by the beach, playing cards, drinking beer, and forgetting about the problems of the world. It was here where I watched Arsenal vs Bournemouth. Arsenal 0-2 down as the title race was still very much on. Thomas Partey gave us a fighting chance on 62 minutes, Ben White equalised on 70 minutes, giving Raymond and I an anxious end of the game until the 97th minute when Reiss Nelson pings on in the far corner. Ray and I erupted with joyous acclamation. It put smiles on our faces for the next week. I’ll always remember El Cuco for that moment.
