Homosexuality Isn’t a Choice. Discrimination Is.

We just had a bank holiday weekend and it was action packed. Coming to Asia on of the things I  wanted to see was some form of martial art display so on Friday Karl and I went to Namsangol Hanok Village to watch a taekwondo performance. The show merges dance and martial arts to create great entertainment. I’m not really into dance performances, neither am I overwhelmed by martial arts as I always considered the people that did them after school geeks (geeks that could kick my arse) but put them together and I thoroughly enjoyed the performance.

Martial arts are a bit weird really. If Karl had called me that morning and said 'Do you want to come round mine and watch me break some wooden planks?' I'd have said no thank you. But because these people are professional Asian wood-kickers I was well up for it.

Saturday came around and there was the much anticipated Korea Queer Festival to be enjoyed. I have never been to a gay pride festival before so I wasn’t too sure of what to expect. I asked a gay friend of mine and he told me to expect the unexpected.

"They have parades. There're no parades for how I get laid. They have parades... marching down the street to celebrate that they blow each other, fuck each other in the ass, and smush their vaginas together or whatever that one is. Whatever wonderful thing those folks are doing, it's none of my business." (Louis C.K.)

Karl and I arrived in Sinchon, the first person who welcomed me outside the station was someone who was working for the local clinic. “Free STI checks for everyone!” They really know their target market.

We had only been there a matter of minutes before we saw our first confrontation. Homosexuality is still taboo here in Korea, gay movements only started fighting discrimination laws in the 1990s (according to Wikipedia). The confrontation was between the thousands of representatives from the gay community and about 4 Christian nut-jobs. It started getting heated and had the police not intervened it probably would have resulted in violence.

In that situation who are the crazy people? The people who are attracted to the same gender or the guy dressed in his pyjamas telling everyone that they’re committing an “abomination” (Leviticus 18:22) and that they all “deserve to die” (Romans 1:32) because it was written in a book over 1,800 years ago. People used to believe that well preserved Beanie Babies would be worth a fortune one day, and that only happened in the 90s. Sometimes people are wrong. (Although, give it 1,800 years and my Beanie Baby collection could be worth £40).

We met up with a gay friend who came to shed light on the whole festival. Apparently, protesters are very common and they should be ignored (something I couldn't bring myself to do in this blog). Anyway, we continued through the crowds, we saw a lot of stands, a lot of love, and a lot of skin (from both genders, don’t worry). We enjoyed the stage performances too, many gay people, drag queens, and the like who were on stage showcasing their dancing and singing abilities. The highlight of the show was when a transgender (I think he/she was anyway) tried to sing Beyonce’s Crazy In Love but unfortunately he/she didn’t know the words… and was out of time… and was out of tune. To the crowds delight he/she still gave it a go and filled in the unknown words with “blah, blah, blah”. Very funny.

At the end of the show the parade started. This was certainly a first for me, not only was this my first time in attendance at a gay pride parade, it was also my first time partaking in the march. With a cocktail in hand, and wearing the gay pride flag as a cape I was fully immersed in the day, I was ready to throw on a pair of leather hot pants with the arsecheeks cut out.

The parade came to a halt only half-a-mile in. The Christian nuts had taken it upon themselves to stop everyone’s fun. They were sat in the middle of the road bringing an end to the festivities. The police were drafted in again, this time to protect the selfish, insane, prejudice, close-minded, homophobes. The thousands of parade marchers were growing restless, they were ready to throw buckets of cum and glitter on the Christians for ruining their fun. It’s a shame that a mere 20 or so Christians can ruin the fun of thousands on a day which is to be celebrated not targeted.

This is the kind of Christian I can get on board with.

The interruption was a perfect opportunity for a toilet break. I nipped into the nearest Tom N Toms only to find that there was only a single cubicle. I waited patiently, and as the guy in the cubicle left he was followed by another gentleman. I guess it was the day to be proud.

During the wait a friend of mine checked his Grinder app on his phone and it was crazy! An app which is designed to find the nearest gay person to you so you can meet and ‘hook up’. It’s slightly different than straight apps such as Tinder, which measure available singles in miles, Grinder measures available singles in feet. Lo and behold there was a gay man only 6 feet away, I could see him! He was ready to fuck!

Those kinds of Christians really bother me. What do they really expect when protesting at those events? All the gay people to say “I’ve seen the light, I’m now straight and a devout Christian!” No, of course that’s an unrealistic thing to expect. They’re gay, they cannot change who they are. All the Christians are doing is making gay people, and others hate their religion. People were at the festival to celebrate being gay, drink, party, and have a good time not to convert. We stayed a little longer before we got bored and found a nearby pub.

Sunday was soon upon us and we decided to do some sightseeing, we went to Changdeokgung Palace and the palace's Secret Gardens, as I write it on here it becomes far less secret. A less dramatic day than before but beautiful all the same.

A great weekend from start to finish. 

See You on the Other Side!

On the 25^th May, 2014 it had been 6 months since I left the UK. Nearly half way through and the time has gone so quickly. I’ve been quite lucky that I haven’t felt any homesickness, obviously it would have been nice to see friends and family during that period but it won’t be long until I’m back, and sparing any UKIP deportations everyone will be there waiting for me when I get home.

A reason why I possibly haven’t really felt any homesickness so far has been that I’ve been surrounded with familiar faces since leaving the UK. When I was in Thailand I met up with Amy and Kelsey, two girls from uni. In Australia, I met up with Ed and Amy, a couple of Bedford companions. I got to Korea and met up with Toner, a great friend from home. Soon after, Ben came out to visit for a week. In February, Karl, one of my best mates from uni, came to Korea to teach for the year. And most recently Kate, another mate from uni popped over to Korea to visit Karl and I as she was passing through Asia on her travels. In only a short period of time, I have gone from a tourist to a tour guide, as I showed Kate and her bum-chum Rose around the sights of Seoul. Although when most people think of Brendan the tour guide they immediately think of a flamboyant, overweight twat… Maybe it’s more accurate than I thought.

Kate and Rose arrived in Seoul to torrential rain. The heavens had opened despite my promises to Kate that it would be hot and sunny when they arrived. She was not impressed. We started the catch up with a few pints in the local, as we shared stories and got to know Rose a bit better. A quirky, fun individual to say the least!

Unfortunately, due to our teaching hours Karl and I couldn’t spend as much time as we had hoped with the girls during their stay, but this gave them some exploring of their own to do without us. There’s a lot to see and do in Soeul but when you’ve only got a week you have to start cramming. We suggested the truly touristy attractions; cat café, dog café, palaces, temples, museums, and of course soju and kimchee. Korea in a nut shell.

On Saturday we took a trip to the baseball. We found a good spot in the stand to watch the game and cracked the first beer open in the afternoon sunlight. It was nice for about 10 minutes but standing in the unbearable heat stops becoming fun very quickly. I soon became a hairy, sweaty mess. My chest was like a rain forest, my arse was like a swamp, and my bollocks had mushrooms growing on them. I spent most of the afternoon with my legs apart trying to give the twins some breathing space. And apparently the summer gets hotter here in Seoul, my heritage derives from Ireland and England, I wasn’t designed for the hot climates. I’m happy in the cold and rain, I’m a human slug.

I look so camp in this picture.

The baseball game was enjoyable despite “supporting” the team that got dicked 23-1. In attendance were Kate, Rose, Somi, Karl, Bernd, Angie, and I, we’re hardly what you’d call die hard baseball fans. Our excuse was to show Kate and Rose something different that they hadn’t experienced on their travels so far. In the crowd I happened to see this guy watching TV on his phone, upon further inspection he was watching the baseball game that was happening live in front of him.

If he had lifted his head up 20cm then he would have seen the game live. Baseball is hardly that interesting at the best of times, if you watch the game live and then watch the replay on your phone you’re only going to be bored twice.

As we were leaving the game we also saw this pair of sad acts.

“Together Since 2010.” So what? Rihanna and Chris Brown were together since 2008, and look how that turned out. (Although, based on the pictures Angie has been drawing of us maybe I shouldn’t comment on other cringey couples).

We showed the girls the highlights of the Hongdae night life. We went to the park and they got to meet the notorious Makgeolli Man.

Both Friday and Saturday night were filled with drunken adventures which ceased around 5am.

They said they had a great time in Korea, and would like to come back again. It was great having them here it’s just a shame it was only for a week. Korea is an awesome place, and you know the old saying ‘Once you go to Korea… you get gonorrhoea?’ I was trying to think of something more accurate, but that’ll do.