Tuesday 2 March 2021

Yunnan, China: I Lost a Ti-bet and Dressed Like a Twat

It was another Christmas abroad. This year, due to the lockdown, I was spending Christmas eve and day in Beijing, however the rest of the Yuletide would be celebrated in Yunnan. 

I was part of a random merry gang of foreigners who were all at a loose end with no other plans on Christmas Day (and zero intention of making a full Christmas dinner). We decided to treat ourselves to a fancy dinner in a fine hotel with a dinner with all the trimmings, starters, sides, desserts, and most importantly free-flow alcohol. 

When living abroad, especially in China, you have to put limitations on your expectations of certain British food. You’re never going to get authentic fish and chips, pasties, or a Christmas dinner just like mum makes. This particular place we went to though was an absolute shambles. Be prepared for what you’re about to read…no spuds and no gravy. Can you believe such nonsense?! However, they had plenty of noodles and rice to go around though. Pretty much every foreigner had to request these basic necessities. The chefs rushed the potatoes out and they were undercooked and charred. Even Aunt Bessie would have been embarrassed at the quality of these roasties. We were ever more determined to make up for this total disregard in copious amounts of wine, champagne, and anything else alcoholic we could get our hands on.

We headed to the pub shortly after dinner to continue the celebrations. While this was all good and well, I had to remain somewhat sensible as I had a flight to catch the next morning to Lijiang, Yunnan in southern China. Hannah was working on Christmas Day because China and went home at a reasonable time to make the flight. I stumbled in around 2am (I explained to Hannah that 2am is a sensible time considering the circumstances) and was up at 5am to make the long slog south. 

I don’t think I’ll ever get used to living in such a large country. The flight from Beijing to Lijiang is around 4 hours. This was not our final destination though as we then had a 4-hour car journey to Lugu Lake. The length of the journey was hard to endure, but what made things harder was the driver. We snaked through the mountain roads with the driver adamant on taking minutes off our journey time. He would speed along the rural lanes and overtake on blind corners. Hannah thought I slept most of the way there, but I was just closing my eyes as I didn’t want to see the head-on crash that we were sure to have. It was a long, fearful, and somewhat surprisingly safe arrival at Lugu Lake. 


We arrived at the hotel and Hannah was keen to make sure that we got the best room available as there were only 3 other guests staying that night. They showed us our original room then another 3, 4, 5 rooms. To me they were all the same, but Hannah wasn’t having it. To be fair, she knows what she wants and fights for it. The hotel could have shown me a caretaker’s storeroom filled with ammonia and I’d have said “this is fine.” I’m not one to argue. After looking around what seemed like every room in the hotel, Hannah finally decided that the room we were originally assigned was the best. 

Lugu Lake was worth the journey. It was getting dark when we arrived so we could appreciate it until the morning. We struggled and woke up for the sunrise, the mist covered the calm lake and then arose up the mountains as the sunlight dispersed the cool fog. The sunrise behind me made me look even more gorgeous than usual. We didn’t stay out there long as it was bloody freezing. We made coffee and retreated back to bed to watch it through the window. 











We spent the rest of the day sightseeing around the lake and then made the journey to Shangri-La. Yunnan is a province of China which has many different ethnicities of people. In northern China, most people are of Han descent. In Yunnan, the Han people make up around 67% of the population. Hannah told me that one minority ethnic group of people had only 2 million people. That's the population of Slovenia!

Shangri-La became popularized in 1933 in James Hilton’s novel Lost Horizon. The city of Shangri-La never really existed however, China renamed the city of 中甸县; Zhōngdiàn Xiàn to Shangri-La as it resembled the place of Tibetan culture than James Hilton described in his book. 










We started the day with yak hot pot. I don't think I've ever seen a yak let alone eaten one, but it was delicious! Tender meat not dissimilar to beef. Yak and lamb seems to be the go to meat around these parts. They even use yak products in their candy. I tried a free sample and it didn't entice me to buy any.

Walking around the town the first thing you notice is that it's far more difficult to breathe. The city sits at 3,300m (almost 11,000 feet in old money) above sea level. Walking around at my normal speedy pace was much harder. Hannah said she was also finding it a little more difficult to breathe but this didn't stop her from nattering away.

We then had a car booked to to Potatsa National Park, one of China's UNESCO sites. En route, the driver told us that only one section of the park was open as it's winter, low season and during COVID times, so he suggested Napa Lake, a wet grassland not too far from the city. I'm not sure what we were expecting, but it was just small lake in a large grass plain. Oh, and it was covered it horse shit. We walked to the edge of the lake, took a picture and buggered off back to the city.

We meandered around town. When I travel alone I often wonder who buys all the touristy tat, but on this trip I found out it was Hannah. She stockpiles the lot. We had to go in every store and look at magnets and postcards, try on scarves and jackets. I did a lot standing around which was a lot of fun.

Hannah had a trick up her sleeve during our trip to Shangri-La, she wanted us to dress up in the traditional local Tibetan clothing. I’m never usually too keen on dressing up. I don’t usually wear a costume on Halloween let alone appropriate someone’s culture. I went along with it begrudgingly until they showed me the hat I’d be wearing and then I was all in! What a fine specimen of a hat. I loved it even more as it resembled the sable hat George Constanza wore when he tried to sneak a second date by leaving it behind at the saleswoman’s apartment. I felt like stealing a clock just to pay homage to the great man. 

They fitted me with all the accessories, including some jingle jangle bangles. I sounded like a cow in Switzerland as I walked the streets of Shangri-La. Both geared up in local attire, we headed for Ganden Sumtseling Monastery. We had one stop to make en route, we needed to buy bus tickets back to Lijiang for that evening. We walked through Shangri-La bus station looking like a pair of genuine locals. It was almost impossible to tell me apart from a native Shangri-larian. 

The monastery was really beautiful. It was free from the hordes of tourists that such a destination would normally attract. It houses 700 monks and was built in 1679 under the order of the 5th Dalai Lama. We managed to get some sick pictures. 

We headed back to Lijiang and we debated what we’d eat. Over the past few days we’d had yak, chicken, and pork hot pot, and numerous dishes of Yunnan food that I can’t even remember. It was all very good, but meal after meal I was getting a bit bored of it. I needed something western to give my stomach a break. Western options are pretty hard to come by in some parts of China and a search for local restaurants returned few options. Hannah gave in and agreed to have pizza. The twelve-year-old in me couldn’t have been happier to be munching away on Pizza Hut. Cheesy stuffed crust pepperoni pizza with fries and garlic bread. Sure, Giuseppe from Naples won't be too impressed with the state of the pizza but he wasn't eating it. Hannah had a bit before tucking into her Chinese leftovers from lunch. "I can't believe I've come all the way to Yunnan and I'm eating Pizza Hut," Hannah exclaimed.

We had a wander around the old town and found Hannah some Chinese snacks to ease her tummy trauma.









On our final day before flying home we had one last stop – Jade Dragon Snow Mountain. It was a short drive from Lijiang and lucky for us there was a convenient cable car most of the way up the mountain however, we’d have to hike the final 174 meters to the top. 

In the queue for the cable car I saw all the Chinese tourists buying multiple canisters of oxygen. I chuckled to myself thinking that it was rather pathetic that they’d need pure oxygen to make a brisk walk up less than 200m. Alighting the cable car we were 4,506m above sea level and we headed for the top. After only a few steps, I noticed breathing was becoming very difficult. I have only walked for 30 seconds and I was struggling. I was lightheaded. After a short break, I took it a bit slower but still felt the discomfort. I saw the Chinese people all around me with their pure oxygen. Who was the fool now?

We did make it to the top without the aid of oxygen cans. The views were spectacular. The final viewing platform was a little tight considering the number of people, so after being pushed around in normal Chinese tourism fashion we headed down.

Our short journey to southern China was short but sweet. It’s another beautiful part of China that’s rather unknown to the western world. As we landed back in miserable, dreary Beijing I started to ponder why I live in such a place. There is so much beauty and happiness in the world, yet I have chosen to reside in such a gruesome city. Something needs to change.