Note: It’s hard to write a piece retrospectively, especially as these events took place eight months ago. Little did I know that when I left China for England and Italy that I would be unable to return for three quarters of a year. I find myself now in a hotel room in Guangzhou, China serving my two-week quarantine reminiscing about a time when Coronavirus hadn’t gripped Italy (and the rest of the world) and caused major destruction to lives and economies globally.
Thursday 16th January, 2020
Parma Calcio 1913 0-2 A.S. Roma
From Turin, I headed south 246km east to the small town of Parma.
I've been in Italy for about 3 days or so and I've really struggled with the language. Prior to my arrival, I had been listening to some basic Italian podcasts. The problem was that I'm shit at learning languages so forgot everything. The only word I remembered was "perfetto", which was no help at all as every language exchange I had was far from perfetto. I learned "uno rosso vino" and that was enough to get by.
Three days of sightseeing in Milan, Turin and Parma and to be perfectly honest, I'm sick of this architecture. It's all a bit samey, which is lovely but how many pictures do I need to take of magnificent churches, cathedrals, and grand theatres? Those cobbled streets don't help either. Who are they for anyway? They are a pain for mothers with prams, cyclists and me, the disabled. Tarmac over the lot, I say.
It was time for the game and it was a big one, The Gervinho Derby. Parma Calcio 1913 were hosting AS Roma in the Coppa Italia. Unfortunately, Gervinho wasn't in the squad, which was disappointing as he was an icon at The Emirates, nor was Henrikh Mkhitaryan. That made 5 ex-Arsenal players that could have played in the 3 games I'd seen (Alexis Sanchez, Aaron Ramsey, Wojciech Szczęsny, Gervinho, and Henrikh Mkhitaryan) all of which could still probably get in the Arsenal starting XI (maybe not Gervinho, but we can stick him at left back as we haven't got a fully fit one at the moment).
I'd sat in the home ends for the Inter and Juventus games and was trying to decide which team to support this evening. I did a little research online and discovered that Parma have changed their name 8 times in their history. That's even more name changes than Snoop Dogg. If they can't even decide on their name, how am I supposed to get behind them? I opted for Roma, went to the ticket counter and then remembered language was necessary. I went with "Roma uno," the ticket lady must have looked at me like a complete mong. 'Yeah, obviously we're playing Roma, which stand do you want a ticket for?' She said something in Italian, I bottled it and just said Curva Nord. I guess I would be supporting Parma that night.
Have you ever heard those loud bangs that occur during an Italian game on TV? I always wondered what they were and then I experienced one. BANG! Out of the fucking blue! Jesus have mercy on me! It was terrifying. It happened mere metres from me, I still don't know what caused it, but it certainly caused a mess in my pants.
Chris Smalling is living life here after being loaned out to AS Roma from Manchester United. He was absolutely ridiculed in England for his relatively poor performances. Yet in Italy, a country known for its defensive organisation, he is considered one of the better defenders in the league. In this particular game, he kept a clean sheet while his Man Utd bestie, Phil Jones, got absolutely rinsed time and again by Kevin de Bruyne. It's no wonder Italy is becoming a sanctuary for former Man Utd players.
I returned to my rental car to find a parking fine on the windscreen. I was rather irritated by this as I had paid (although not displayed.) I had used the local parking app (that was clearly signposted on that particular street) to pay my fee of €2.50 and thought nothing of it. When I called the company to complain and state that I’d used the app, they said that the app wasn’t available for that district (or some bullshit). They were happy to refund me the €2.50, but I would be responsible for paying the €40 fine. Cheers.
Quiz Question 3: Which footballer got a £406 parking fine after leaving his Porsche in a train station car park for months?
Saturday 18th January, 2020
U.S. Sassuolo Calcio 2-1 Torino F.C.
That was the end of the Coppa Italia action and the weekend league games were up next. Not too far from Parma, in the town of Reggio Emilia, is U.S. Sassuolo Calcio who were hosting Torino. Sassuolo are a team with minimal history. They were playing in Serie C1 and B a little over 10 years ago. Torino on the other hand, boast incredible past success with their team of the 1940s known as the Grande Torino. They won 5 Serie A titles back-to-back and their squad formed the Azzuri (the Italian national side). Their success was cut short due to a plane crash which killed their entire squad after a game in Portugal. Torino have never been able to replicate the same kind of success and now trail behind giants and neighbours, Juventus.
I couldn't see much of the town as it pissed down with rain all day. The game wasn't until 6pm so I had a lot of time to kill. There's only so much coffee you can drink.
I made my way to the MAPEI Stadium. From the outside it's an absolute shithole, the inside isn't so bad. The stadium is actually built on a shopping centre. On my travels in Italy, I've only seen the quaint, historic towns, with beautiful people serving espresso and wine. That wasn't the case for the mall under the stadium. It was as like any British small-town shopping centre with Italian JD and Primark equivalents.
The game included a peach of a goal, probably the best goal I’ve seen live. Jeremie Boga nutmegs a Torino player before curling it in the top corner. It’s just a shame that he used to play for Chelsea. And speaking of players who formerly played for clubs I despise, Iago Falqué and Vlad Chiricheș were on the benches but didn’t enter the field most probably because of their associations with Tottenham Hotspurs.
Quiz Answers:
1. Ashley Cole
2. Gianfranco Zola, Adrian Mutu, Mario Stanic
3. Jermaine Pennant
4. Joe Hart
5. Raheem Sterling
