Six Months in China

The 9^th of July marks 6 months in China for me and I’ve learned a few things about this bizarre country, culture and people. China is much like an orgy – there are too many people and it’s awkward when they stare at you, but the money’s good…for teaching not orgy participation. I don’t charge for the orgies.

Live Like a Chinaman

From my experience of living in Beijing, there seems to be very little concern for your fellow man. It’s a city filled with very selfish individuals all with the attitude “this is what I’m doing, deal with it”.

Sometimes it’s when drivers stop their car on a crossing making everyone walk around them, or smoking anywhere they want - inside or out - despite the no smoking signs, or spitting every 15 metres, or being my neighbour whose hobby is drilling every morning at 7am, or the lack of respect everyone has regarding personal space, or any number of bad habits locals have.

Another example of a Beijinger who doesn't care

It took a while to adjust to this way of life and it was causing my blood pressure to rise each day, but once you accept and act like a local life is much easier. Although, it’s something that I hope I leave behind when I move on from China.

A City of Blinking Lights

Chinese people love their neon lights, you’ve only got to walk around the city to see their admiration for a bit of neon or LED, but not so much when it comes to the cars.

Every car in the country is fitted with flashing lights on each corner, these are known as indicators and I’m sure as soon as one of the locals discovers how to use them they’ll soon catch on. Until then though, they’ll continue to switch lanes with their “fuck it, this is what I’m doing” attitude. Why use mirrors and indicators when you can save time by just drifting lanes as and when you please?

Feeling Like a Model

Despite a significant amount of moaning thus far I have a lot more self-confidence living in China. I think Brits don’t tend to give and receive compliments all that well. There is always an air of scepticism, suspicion or sarcasm with a compliment, but here in China I receive a lot of flattering remarks each day.

The most common one I receive is “you look like Chris Evans”. That’s very flattering…unless they mean the ginger Radio Two presenter then it’s just cruel.

Hollywood stunner or 51-year-old ginger? I'm still not sure who they mean.

I’ll take the positivity while I can get it as the last compliment I received prior to China was way back in October 2016 when I was in Thailand. I was sharing a bottle of rum on a beach with a girl from Ireland. She made it very clear that she had a boyfriend and that nothing was going to happen between us, I understood and was slightly relieved as she was hardly my type. After a significant measure of rum had been consumed came the compliment, she said “you’re not such a bad guy, Brendan, and if I weren’t taken we’d be doing it in those bushes by now.” Feeling pretty chuffed, she then continued “but given how much I’ve drunk I’d probably shag that dog too.” 

Still, you accept the compliments as and when they come.

The Chinese Revolution of Fashion

I’ve seen China in the winter and the summer and the fashions choices are none that I’ve really seen in western countries. They love an Arsene Wenger coat in the winter and in the summer clothing seems optional.

In the summer temperatures can soar to 40°C, so it’s totally reasonable to not wear a shirt or if you have a little more dignity to opt for the Beijing Bikini. For those not in the know a Beijing Bikini is when you pull your shirt up without a care in the world, but what I love even more than seeing middle-aged men’s bare mid-drifts is when the men of China ditch the shirt completely but keep their executive shoes and trousers on just in case they have to rush to a business meeting.

Waste Not, Want Not

I’ve heard the saying “Chinese people will eat anything with legs, except a table”. They turn their noses up at nothing. Maybe it’s because I was raised in a western country where I had the option not to eat something that didn’t look or sound nice. I remember being at school and one of the dinner ladies telling me that I had to have vegetables with my lunch, so at about 6-years-old I managed to convince her to give me one pea. That’s a weak dinner lady to give in to the orders of a 6-year-old.

Going to try Peking Duck? Expect side dishes of duck brain and duck bone soup (they taste exactly as you would imagine). Going to the supermarket? Expect to see every part of the animal for sale that western dogs wouldn’t eat. Fancy a snack? Why not try insects or poultry bills or fermented eggs?

Clockwise: How you buy chicken in a supermarket, a nice duck bill snack, which will go well with chicken feet, a century egg preserved in clay for many months, a pigs trotter in the supermarket, and fried seahorses and scorpions.

I’m only scratching the surface to be honest, anything you can imagine that can be hunted will be served on a plate somewhere in China.

Labour Exploitation

This place is so bloody cheap. Is it wrong to exploit cheap labour? Definitely, but it’s hard to avoid. Manufacturing is what has built China in the past few decades, I’ve exploited it no more than anyone else in the world, but it’s a pleasant surprise when you get a bill here.

Any form of labour usually costs less than a cup of coffee. A taxi across the city costs around £4. A cleaner for 2 hours costs £7. A man with a van helped me move apartments and charged me £12.

I live a privileged life. These days I don’t cook, clean, or take public transport and moving to another country might take some adjusting for my spoilt arse.

I Shouldn’t Have Said That…

To look around this city it seems no different to any other major metropolitan in the world. There is freedom of movement, freedom of choice, a wide choice of food options with foreign restaurants ubiquitous. Despite officially being communist China seems as capitalist as the west, or so it seems.

It’s something that I still haven’t gotten used to having been born and raised in Britain. I grew up in a country that allows true freedom and I find it bizarre that certain things are just accepted and other things are unquestionable.

A slip of the tongue can cause quite an earache here. I once referred to Hong Kong as a country to my students and they all shot me down. Stern faced they stopped me mid-sentence to say “Hong Kong is not a country.” Tensions are pretty high about that topic currently, so I keep my nose out.

I was feeling a little quizzical and was asking my co-workers about life in China asking question after question, which they seemed happy enough to answer. At what age do most people get married? How old do you have to be to drink? How old do you have to be to vote? A long pause followed that question, then I realised what I had said. People fought and died for their right to vote in Britain, but here it’s accepted that they don’t have that right. And whatever you do, don’t criticise China. China is number 1!

I’m currently experiencing modern day China, but I don’t know much about China’s past. That’s why I’m reading up on it. Always learning. I’m currently working my way through John Farman's Ancient China.

Yes, that’s a children’s book. I’m not doing a masters in Chinese history, I just want the basic facts delivered in a fun and informative way. I am reading adult books too, I’m not a complete imbecile, it’s just ancient history can be difficult to take in.

The Easy Life. Sort of.

A huge benefit of living in other countries is you get to see how other people tackle normal day-to-day things. My eyes have been opened to new, revolutionary ideas that make everyday tasks that little bit easier.

WeChat is the Chinese WhatsApp and everyone uses it.  This one app is used for everything, aside from the main function of communication it’s used for paying bills, booking hotels, booking cinema tickets, maps and navigation, ordering taxis, pretty much anything.

You don’t need bank cards and cash anymore.

Shopping has been made easier too. Using websites such as Jing Dong or Tao Bao, you can get great deals and SAME day delivery, no 3-5 day delivery times here.

While some things have been made so simple other aspects of life seem to have gone back in time. The visa process is unbelievable, 3 months of applications, interviews, more applications, signatures, approvals just to get a temporary visa, then to do it again to get the long-term one.

Renting an apartment is terribly annoying too. After you’ve gone house hunting you need to stump up three months’ rent, one month deposit, an agency fee, maintenance fees, it’s an expensive process! Quarterly rent payments are the norm which is another thing I had to learn.

The last six months has flown by and I’m sure the next six will too. Who knows what the future holds after that.

Until next time.