Martial arts are a bit weird really. If Karl had called me that morning and said 'Do you want to come round mine and watch me break some wooden planks?' I'd have said no thank you. But because these people are professional Asian wood-kickers I was well up for it.
Saturday came around and there was the much anticipated
Korea Queer Festival to be enjoyed. I have never been to a gay pride festival
before so I wasn’t too sure of what to expect. I asked a gay friend of mine and
he told me to expect the unexpected.
"They have parades. There're no parades for how I get
laid. They have parades... marching down the street to celebrate that they blow
each other, fuck each other in the ass, and smush their vaginas together or
whatever that one is. Whatever wonderful thing those folks are doing, it's none
of my business." (Louis C.K.)
Karl and I arrived in Sinchon, the first person who welcomed
me outside the station was someone who was working for the local clinic. “Free
STI checks for everyone!” They really know their target market.
We had only been there a matter of minutes before we saw our
first confrontation. Homosexuality is still taboo here in Korea, gay movements
only started fighting discrimination laws in the 1990s (according to Wikipedia). The confrontation was
between the thousands of representatives from the gay community and about 4
Christian nut-jobs. It started getting heated and had the police not intervened
it probably would have resulted in violence.
In that situation who are the crazy people? The people who
are attracted to the same gender or the guy dressed in his pyjamas telling
everyone that they’re committing an “abomination” (Leviticus 18:22) and that
they all “deserve to die” (Romans 1:32) because it was written in a book over 1,800
years ago. People used to believe that well preserved Beanie Babies would be
worth a fortune one day, and that only happened in the 90s. Sometimes people
are wrong. (Although, give it 1,800 years and my Beanie Baby collection could
be worth £40).
We met up with a gay friend who came to shed light on the
whole festival. Apparently, protesters are very common and they should be
ignored (something I couldn't bring myself to do in this blog). Anyway, we continued through the crowds, we saw a lot of stands, a lot
of love, and a lot of skin (from both genders, don’t worry). We enjoyed
the stage performances too, many gay people, drag queens, and the like who were
on stage showcasing their dancing and singing abilities. The highlight of the
show was when a transgender (I think he/she was anyway) tried to sing Beyonce’s
Crazy In Love but unfortunately he/she didn’t know the words… and was out of
time… and was out of tune. To the crowds delight he/she still gave it a go and
filled in the unknown words with “blah, blah, blah”. Very funny.
At the end of the show the parade started. This was
certainly a first for me, not only was this my first time in attendance at a
gay pride parade, it was also my first time partaking in the march. With a
cocktail in hand, and wearing the gay pride flag as a cape I was fully immersed
in the day, I was ready to throw on a pair of leather hot pants with the
arsecheeks cut out.
The parade came to a halt only half-a-mile in. The Christian
nuts had taken it upon themselves to stop everyone’s fun. They were sat in the
middle of the road bringing an end to the festivities. The police were drafted
in again, this time to protect the selfish, insane, prejudice, close-minded, homophobes.
The thousands of parade marchers were growing restless, they were ready to
throw buckets of cum and glitter on the Christians for ruining their fun. It’s
a shame that a mere 20 or so Christians can ruin the fun of thousands on a day
which is to be celebrated not targeted.
 |
| This is the kind of Christian I can get on board with. |
The interruption was a perfect opportunity for a toilet
break. I nipped into the nearest Tom N Toms only to find that there was only a
single cubicle. I waited patiently, and as the guy in the cubicle left he was
followed by another gentleman. I guess it was the day to be proud.
During the wait a friend of mine checked his Grinder app on
his phone and it was crazy! An app which is designed to find the nearest gay
person to you so you can meet and ‘hook up’. It’s slightly different than
straight apps such as Tinder, which measure available singles in miles, Grinder
measures available singles in feet. Lo and behold there was a gay man only 6
feet away, I could see him! He was ready to fuck!
Those kinds of Christians really bother me. What do they
really expect when protesting at those events? All the gay people to say “I’ve
seen the light, I’m now straight and a devout Christian!” No, of course that’s
an unrealistic thing to expect. They’re gay, they cannot change who they are.
All the Christians are doing is making gay people, and others hate their
religion. People were at the festival to celebrate being gay, drink, party, and
have a good time not to convert. We stayed a little longer before we got bored
and found a nearby pub.
Sunday was soon upon us and we decided to do some
sightseeing, we went to Changdeokgung Palace and the palace's Secret Gardens, as I write it on here it becomes far less secret. A less dramatic day than
before but beautiful all the same.
A great weekend from start to finish.
