Had the City on Lockdown: Closing Thoughts on Korea

My time in Korea has finally concluded. I am setting off on my next adventure which will take me from Seoul to Taipei, Hong Kong, Macau, Mumbai, New Delhi, and Istanbul before a long awaited return to England. Korea has been filled with many new experiences, and good memories, but I thought I’d collate some of the things I will and won’t miss about the Land of the Morning Calm.

Things I Won’t Miss About Korea

1. The Unbearably Hot Summers – Temperatures soar to 40°C in the height of the summer, and added to this blazing heat is 90% humidity. Forget having an ice-cold cider in a pub garden, I’m sweating in my undies standing underneath my air-conditioner.
2. The Unbearably Cold Winters – You’d think that the tropical summer climate would even out to hospitable winters. Wrong! The temperature drops to -20°C. It gets that cold that the hookers on The Hill charge ₩20,000 just to blow your hands.
3. The Food – I’m not talking about Korean food, some of that stuff’s good. I’m talking about foreign food made by Koreans. It costs 3 times as much, and tastes half as good. There’s a reason why the Italians never put sweet potato on a pizza, and the Mexicans haven’t put fermented cabbage in tacos, they do not belong. Stop Korean fusion, please.
4. American English – When learning English as a second language it’s completely reasonable to prefer one dialect to another. But just because I don’t pronounce my R’s like some hillbilly pirate doesn’t mean I’m wrong.
5. The Inability to Queue – The concept of ‘first come, first served’ is foreign to Koreans. The number of times I have been standing in a queue, waiting patiently to be served (like a good Brit should) and an elderly person has cut the line is untold. Rules don’t apply to older people in Korea because they are to be respected. I tried to learn “Oi, coffin dodger! Get to the back of the queue!” in Korean, but I don’t think it translates.
6. Manners and Courtesy – I’m not asking much, just some acknowledgment that I stopped a door from slamming in your face. Or that when I’m standing next to you on the subway platform that you don’t cough up a throatful of phlegm.

It’s not all negative; there are some things I will miss!

Things I Will Miss About Korea

1. The Cost of Living - Everyday essentials are just cheaper here than back home. A pint of beer costs less than £2, and a journey on the subway costs around £0.60. You can save a lot of money over the year from the reduced living expense, which you can then spend on more beer.
2. The Women - Going back to England I will be going cold turkey. Asian women are like a drug, giving up heroin would be easier. I'm heading home to a land of white women. Who wants them? I mean, apart from other white guys, black guys, Asian guys, and lesbians...I suppose anyone without an Asian fetish.
3. Honesty - Korea is by far the most honest country I have visited. I experienced no threat from Koreans, they are too honest to deceive and steal. In fact, the dodgiest people in Korea are the foreigners. It will take me a while to adjust back to not trusting people.
4. Being Different - I'm a Daily Mail nightmare. I'm a liberal, foreign immigrant, that doesn't speak the local language, and muslim. OK, that last one isn't true, but the rest are. Foreigners are treated well in Korea, I'm treated as a commodity here. Locals want to talk to me and be my friend, whereas in the UK I'm just another emotionally repressed, moaning, overly polite, pessimistic Brit. Although, I like being that too.
5. The Internet Speed - According to some reports, South Korea has the world's fastest average download speed. There's nothing more infuriating than a slow internet connection. Did you know that 57% of domestic abuse in the UK happened as a result of slow internet connections? OK, I made that statistic up, but it's believable, isn't it? Despite having the luxury of the world's fastest download speed adult content is illegal in Korea. So it's very much a win-lose situation.
6. FFs - It's a quaint club in Hongdae, Seoul. We go there every Saturday and it's a fun place, but it's full of loose women. My own problem with that is venereal disease, which is disabilitating, especially for a soldier. And it's irresponsible to the rest of your unit as well, right. You've been under attack for days, there's a soldier down, he's wounded, gangrene's setting in, 'who's used all the penicillin?' 'Oh, Karl Egan sir, he's got knobrot off some tart'
7. Teaching - It was a job that I had never tried before and never really saw myself doing, but I'm glad I tried it. For the most part it was a great experience, teaching adults is a joy, and the kids are a lot of fun. Sure, you have days with the kids when you start to justify child abuse, but that's part of the challenge. If you're considering teaching abroad you should.
8. The People - I met some great new friends, and some average ones too. Who knows if I'll see them again, but they made my Korean journey all the more fun.

The original gang who helped me settle quickly in Korea.

Fried Chicken Fridays (minus Johnny, I couldn't find one of us all together!)

The South Africans from down south

Two more Saffas.

The Korea Burn Gang

My mong partner in crime

A few of the little bastards

See You on the Other Side!

On the 25^th May, 2014 it had been 6 months since I left the UK. Nearly half way through and the time has gone so quickly. I’ve been quite lucky that I haven’t felt any homesickness, obviously it would have been nice to see friends and family during that period but it won’t be long until I’m back, and sparing any UKIP deportations everyone will be there waiting for me when I get home.

A reason why I possibly haven’t really felt any homesickness so far has been that I’ve been surrounded with familiar faces since leaving the UK. When I was in Thailand I met up with Amy and Kelsey, two girls from uni. In Australia, I met up with Ed and Amy, a couple of Bedford companions. I got to Korea and met up with Toner, a great friend from home. Soon after, Ben came out to visit for a week. In February, Karl, one of my best mates from uni, came to Korea to teach for the year. And most recently Kate, another mate from uni popped over to Korea to visit Karl and I as she was passing through Asia on her travels. In only a short period of time, I have gone from a tourist to a tour guide, as I showed Kate and her bum-chum Rose around the sights of Seoul. Although when most people think of Brendan the tour guide they immediately think of a flamboyant, overweight twat… Maybe it’s more accurate than I thought.

Kate and Rose arrived in Seoul to torrential rain. The heavens had opened despite my promises to Kate that it would be hot and sunny when they arrived. She was not impressed. We started the catch up with a few pints in the local, as we shared stories and got to know Rose a bit better. A quirky, fun individual to say the least!

Unfortunately, due to our teaching hours Karl and I couldn’t spend as much time as we had hoped with the girls during their stay, but this gave them some exploring of their own to do without us. There’s a lot to see and do in Soeul but when you’ve only got a week you have to start cramming. We suggested the truly touristy attractions; cat café, dog café, palaces, temples, museums, and of course soju and kimchee. Korea in a nut shell.

On Saturday we took a trip to the baseball. We found a good spot in the stand to watch the game and cracked the first beer open in the afternoon sunlight. It was nice for about 10 minutes but standing in the unbearable heat stops becoming fun very quickly. I soon became a hairy, sweaty mess. My chest was like a rain forest, my arse was like a swamp, and my bollocks had mushrooms growing on them. I spent most of the afternoon with my legs apart trying to give the twins some breathing space. And apparently the summer gets hotter here in Seoul, my heritage derives from Ireland and England, I wasn’t designed for the hot climates. I’m happy in the cold and rain, I’m a human slug.

I look so camp in this picture.

The baseball game was enjoyable despite “supporting” the team that got dicked 23-1. In attendance were Kate, Rose, Somi, Karl, Bernd, Angie, and I, we’re hardly what you’d call die hard baseball fans. Our excuse was to show Kate and Rose something different that they hadn’t experienced on their travels so far. In the crowd I happened to see this guy watching TV on his phone, upon further inspection he was watching the baseball game that was happening live in front of him.

If he had lifted his head up 20cm then he would have seen the game live. Baseball is hardly that interesting at the best of times, if you watch the game live and then watch the replay on your phone you’re only going to be bored twice.

As we were leaving the game we also saw this pair of sad acts.

“Together Since 2010.” So what? Rihanna and Chris Brown were together since 2008, and look how that turned out. (Although, based on the pictures Angie has been drawing of us maybe I shouldn’t comment on other cringey couples).

We showed the girls the highlights of the Hongdae night life. We went to the park and they got to meet the notorious Makgeolli Man.

Both Friday and Saturday night were filled with drunken adventures which ceased around 5am.

They said they had a great time in Korea, and would like to come back again. It was great having them here it’s just a shame it was only for a week. Korea is an awesome place, and you know the old saying ‘Once you go to Korea… you get gonorrhoea?’ I was trying to think of something more accurate, but that’ll do. 

The Melee in Hongdae - Street Fighting, Lanterns, and Suwon

I’m starting to notice a bit of a recurring theme with the stories I have been writing on this blog. It seems rather regular that a story starts with “We were drinking in a park when… “ and this story is no different.

It was Friday night and through a friend of a friend we were drinking with a group of maybe ten French guys. Generally, the relationship between Britain and France is antagonistic, but after a few drinks with these guys I was having a great night. An easy icebreaker between European males is to talk football, they supported Lille and Arsenal is basically French so we had a lot to talk about. After a few drinks I started to realise that I share many similarities with the stereotypical frog. For instance; French people are rude and obnoxious, and I’m rude and obnoxious. French people rarely shave, and I rarely shave. The French are known for being great lovers, and I’m… OK I’m not that similar to them. Anyway, we were drinking in Hongdae park when a Korean bloke approached us and he was asking us if we wanted to fight him. It turned out that this guy is a professional boxer and was giving people the opportunity to pay him to fight him. So you pay him to get your arse kicked. You know what, I’m good. I don’t know if this guy was training for a fight and wanted some different competition, or maybe he was just after an ego boost but he was not short of opponents, one being one of the French guys who was out with us. He was drunk which made the fight all the easier for the sober professional. There was some basic equipment, gloves, headgear, and a bloke with a smart phone to time the rounds so you know it’s legit. There was also a sign tied to a tree which explained the rules.

Here is some of round 1 (notice the drunk guy with the makgeolli).

Some of round 2.

Unfortunately I ran out of memory to capture round 3 but it was a blood bath. The boxer didn’t want to fight the third round stating that he’d batter him, which inevitably happened but the French guy was persistent (I know, a French guy who wants to fight – that’s unheard of!). The fight finally finished and the French guy was covered in blood and his face was black and blue. The boxer finished the fight a little sweatier than before. Was it worth it? Definitely not.

We continued drinking in Hongdae but the drama stopped there.

The following day we went to the Lotus Lantern Festival which was spread out across Seoul. We checked out a few of the Buddhist Temples (Bongeunsa and Jogyesa) and watched the parade come through Dongdaemun. It was pretty cool. I mean, essentially it’s only fancy origami with a couple of candles but impressive all the same.

We had our term break this week, a couple of days off during the week. We went down to Suwon to see Rabel and to explore Suwon. It was great we walked around the city and walked the length of the fortress walls. A great day of sightseeing.

After a full day of sightseeing we rounded the day off with a Noraebang (karaoke singing room). I tolerate these places and I’m often forced to sing even when I don’t want to, I went along with the guys this time but made it clear that I was coming for the beer. Very soon into it while the guys were singing I got a really strange impulse… to sing! This had never happened before. I sang an Arctic Monkeys song (poorly) and I really enjoyed it! Before I could gather my thoughts I was lining up another and by the end of the night I had sung Oasis, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Spice Girls, Shaggy, and Frozen (when in Korea, do as the Koreans do). I thoroughly enjoyed the karaoke and I never thought that would happen in my lifetime.

Back at work today but we’ve got another long weekend ahead of us. I could really get used to these two-and-a-half day working weeks.