Zhangjiajie, Hunan: Labour Day Pains

We recently just celebrated the Labour Day holiday here in China and were fortunate enough to get a 5-day break! However, China has this weird system that you must work back days in order to get them off for the holiday, so we had to work the Sunday before and the Saturday after. It makes no sense, but I guess that’s where the Party’s hard-working nature comes from. They couldn’t possibly let you enjoy free time with your friends and family without making you have to work for it.

Anyway, Hannah and I went down south to Hunan province. Since I’ve been in China, I’ve wanted to take a trip to Zhangjiajie (been in China 4 years and still pronounce this wrong every time). Zhangjiajie is famous for its national parks, especially Wulingyuan Scenic Area which is where James Cameron filmed the 2009 film Avatar. I watched the movie back when I was at university and haven’t watched it since. That’s not to say it’s a bad movie, but it’s about American troops invading a foreign land in order to extract valuable resources, which sounds oddly familiar. 

Hannah booked our flights to depart on the Friday afternoon at 17:20 without asking me. This caused an issue as I was due to work until 16:30. I had to message the head of department in the morning and say I was “sick”, but I’d still come into work because I don’t want to let anyone down, however, I’d need to leave at precisely 14:00 as that’s when I’ll be feeling my worst. 

Zhangjiajie is a “small city” for China that has a population of about 1.5 million people. That’s a good understanding of the magnitude of China’s population as this small city has more people than Estonia’s and Iceland’s entire population combined. 

On our first morning in Zhangjiajie, we woke up early to beat the crowds and went to explore Tianmen Mountain. Its most famous point is Heaven’s Gate, which started as a cave before the rear collapsed now forming a hole in the mountain. It has 999 steps leading to the top which is known as the stairway to heaven. The rest of the park can be explored on an elevated walkway that slithers around the top of the cliff edges. Looking over the side makes your legs feel weak and your stomach sink and you look at the 200m drop. A perfect place for a murder I imagine as you can push your enemy over the fence and blame an accidental trip or unexpected wind. Something to bear in mind anyway.

Tianmen Mountain takes half a day to explore, so after lunch, we took a bus north to the Zhangjiajie National Forest Park to see the famous “Avatar Mountains”. We tried to beat the crowds on the Sunday morning, but there was no way of avoiding it. We queued for the Bailong Elevator, literally "hundred dragons sky lift", which is the largest outdoor elevator in the world at 326m high (which is quite a unique claim) and got pushed as people shoved past to get centimetres closer to the people in front. In that situation, you either act like a local or you just give up and go with the flow. I don’t have it in me to act like an inconsiderate Chinese tourist, so I just walked with the crowd shaking my head in disbelief every 15 seconds. We got in the lift and it rocketed us up to the top of the tall, slender mountains. The views were epic and once you could break free from the crowds it became enjoyable. 

The sun was shining, the views were spectacular, and around every corner was another rock formation that just took your breath away. It was incredible and the picture will never do it justice, you will just have to go yourself to understand the true beauty (but try to avoid public holidays).

The park is huge and spans 12,000 acres, which means that it’s possible to get away from the crowds. There are so many trails and walkways that are just free of people. It seemed that the Chinese tourists weren’t willing to explore these trails unless there was a guarantee of there being a souvenir shop to purchase some at. We spent the remainder of the day blissfully walking the trails and enjoying the delights that China has to offer. 

The next day was a bit of a reality check. Thunder and heavy downpours interrupted our much-needed sleep, and our plans of exploring were dashed. We stayed at the hotel relaxing in the morning and watched Father of the Bride in bed. We thought that it would have been a waste of a day not to explore a little even if it meant that we got wet. We suited up in some dashing raincoats and rain boots and set off. What we discovered was that once we got the cable car up the mountain, we were in the clouds and above the rain. We could enjoy the fresh air but the visibility was hampered somewhat. We got lucky on occasion as the clouds and mist parted to reveal the emerging mountain stacks.

As we continued to explore the clouds lifted and we got to enjoy the mist-covered mountains. It was another spectacular sight that we were lucky to enjoy. Fortune favours the brave. 

On the final day trailing the park, we headed for the only part we hadn’t explored -  the Gold Whip Stream. It was part of the park that offered a different perspective of the mountains. We walked along the peaceful stream and marvelled at the enormity of the mountains around us. 

It’s a truly magical place that you should visit if given the opportunity (I know it’s not so easy now in a COVID world). Along with Guilin, it’s one of the most beautiful places I have visited in China, if not the world (even with the pushy locals). I didn’t see any Avatar aliens while I was there, but you might get luckier on your visit. 

Qinhuangdao, Hebei: The Old Dragon's Head

I’m getting through my bucket list of China in recent weeks! This time, Hannah and I were off to Qinhuangdao, which is about 300km from Beijing, or about 2 hours on the train. We left late on Friday after work and as soon as I got to the train station, I realised that I’d left my passport at home. It clearly isn’t ingrained in my mind that I need my passport when I travel in China as the government likes to keep track of your whereabouts at all times. That’s a totalitarian government for you! Anyway, I just had about enough time to Usain Bolt it to my apartment and make it back before the train departed. 

Qinhuangdao is relatively unknown but is situated in Hebei province and is pretty much only known for being the eastern starting location of The Great Wall of China. When Hannah asked what I wanted to do here but was surprised when I said that I wanted to go to the “Old Dragon’s Head” (the nickname for the end of the wall). “Why didn’t you tell me in advance?” she exclaimed. I thought she was taking the piss considering there’s pretty much fuck all else on the area’s Trip Advisor. 

We had to take a 20-minute train from Qinhuangdao to Shanhaiguan. We walked around the old town and looked at the exhibitions, which were far from exciting. One was a traditional Hebei home. It was bleak, dusty, and full of old shit. There are enough houses like that in Beijing that people still live in today, I don’t need to see it. 

We walked down to Lao Long Tou/Old Dragon’s Head and were blessed with blue skies. Karl Pilkington visited this part of the Wall when he filmed An Idiot Abroad. He wasn’t impressed, however it took him days, maybe even hours, to realise how dreadful China is. Why has it taken me so long? To be fair, this was one of the nicer weekends. We meandered down the beach and enjoyed the peace and quiet. Beijing is a beast of a city that one must escape from as often as they can and hopefully on a permanent basis. 

The First Pass Under Heaven is the gate which allowed access to the walled city.

It was time for lunch and Hannah was delighted to be at a coastal town with all the crustaceous delights on offer. The Chinese will eat anything that moves, and I’ve seen the weird shit they eat that inhabits the land so I can only imagine what freakishly bizarre foods they’d gobble down that they pull out of the sea. Hannah was delighted that she didn’t have to share while I ate some plan rice. 

We slept in late on Sunday and just enjoyed a day at the beach. There really isn’t much to this town, but it does have a pleasant beach. Although, I imagine it’s rammed in the summer and loses a lot of its charm. 

What is weird about this place is that there is a Russian town. The Russians flock here in the summer and the town is adorned with Russian architecture, restaurants, and even has a knock-off version of Saint Basil’s Cathedral (it is China after all!) I now had a choice between the weird Chinese seafood and borscht, I think I went hungry that afternoon. 

Despite it being a very quiet weekend with little to see and do, I had a thoroughly good time. The fact that we could relax and just walk along the beach on a peaceful, pollution-free day was enough. It made me forget about Beijing, work, university deadlines and gave me time to unwind. 

Laos: Beautiful Scenery and a Near Death Experience

Although this blog about my time in Laos, I had spent just shy of a week with my good friend, Karl, in Bangkok. “Where’s the blog?” you’re wondering. I decided not to write one. I’ve been to Bangkok twice and written about it twice and, quite frankly, the less people know about what you do in Bangkok, the better. 

I left Karl and ventured north to a small town, Luang Prabang, on the banks of the Mekong Delta. I had never been to this Laos before and knew very little about this country. The extent of my knowledge was that it is a landlocked country surrounded by Myanmar, China, Thailand, and Vietnam. I suppose there was a high likelihood that you're going to be communist when they are your neighbours. They were then colonized by the French and then the Japanese. Laos declared that they were neutral in the US-Vietnam conflict, but this meant very little and became the most bombed country in history. Laos couldn’t catch a break. 

Today, it’s still officially communist, but since the 1990s they’ve reestablished Buddhism and allowed tourists more freedom in the country. Luckily for Laos’ tourist board the hippy backpackers still prefer to travel to India and the cunty ones go to Thailand. 

Peaceful Luang Prabang was the perfect break from raucous Bangkok. It has a heavy influence from the French which means the architecture of the town makes you think you’re in Europe, while the people are very rude and stink of garlic. No, obviously the Laotian people are very hospitable and I got to relax by the Mekong Delta drinking French red wine. Perfect. 

After exploring the town, my first venture was to the Kuangsi Waterfall. The water I’d seen so far was pretty mucky river water, so a waterfall of brown water didn’t seem so appealing. However, upon arrival, I’d discovered one of the most idyllic places in Laos. It was a truly beautiful location filled with a fair few tourists, but what can you do? 

I got in the chilly pool and tried to let my thoughts escape as I relaxed. Almost immediately I felt something biting my ankles. The size and pain of the bite made me immediately think I was in a pool of baby crocodiles. As keen readers of this blog will know, I’m not good with animals, let alone flesh-eating animals. I freaked out. As I kicked and writhed, the sea-serpents dispersed and I calmed down. I soon realised that the water pool was filled with those tiny fish that you see in malls that eat the dead skin off your feet. Eurgh! Why would anyone pay for that sensation?! I was most concerned that the fish would feast on my athlete’s foot and I’d have a massacre on my hands. 

Later that afternoon I ‘hiked’ to the top of Phousi Hill. Hiked is a bit over the top, I mean walked up the steps to the top. It’s a nice viewpoint, with a temple along the way. I think there was a Buddhist monk field trip for aspiring young monks there on that day. I didn’t know much about Buddhist training, but they have 10 Precepts which they must abide.

1. I will refrain from harming the life of others.
2. I will refrain from stealing the property of others.
3. I will refrain from sexual practices.
4. I will refrain from lying.
5. I will refrain from intoxicating drinks and drugs which lead to carelessness.
6. I will refrain from food between noon and dawn.
7. I will refrain from dancing, singing, listening to music, and watching shows.
8. I will refrain from using perfumes, cosmetics, and also from ornaments (and anything that bears relation to seduction).
9. I will refrain from installing myself in places located on a higher level than the noble beings.
10. I will refrain from accepting or using gold or silver (metal and notes).

If these are the rules Buddhist monks must abide, then I’m more out than a Brexiteer. I look at those rules and I think I should adopt a few to be a better person, things like honesty, and not putting myself above others. But, if I can’t watch football shows, have a beer, dress up like a drag queen and then lie all about it then what is the point to life?

It had been a great day. I drove into town, parked up my scooter and had planned to have dinner and head back to the hotel. One rather excellent thing about being colonised by the French is that now Laos has an array of cheap, delicious wine and I got a little carried away that evening. I thought I'd leave the bike in town, walk home and pick it up the following day.

I got talking to a couple at the next table who told me about a tourist scam in Luang Prabang, whereby the scooter rental shops lookout for their rented-out scooters and "steal" them back with the spare keys. When the tourists report them missing they are charged a hefty bill. I was now concerned about leaving the scooter in town overnight, so I thought I'd carefully ride it the short distance back to the hotel.

It just turns out I wasn't as careful as I thought. I came off on a corner and my wearisome body skidded along the tarmac for longer than anyone would normally enjoy. Two girls came running over to assist me, I picked myself up and started to apologise to them profusely like I'd caused them harm in some way. I guess my Britishness came out. The adrenaline was coursing through me, but I detected no broken bones and only some relatively minor scratches. 

I picked up the bike and it was in better condition than me. I hopped back on and made it back to my hotel. I assessed the situation and went about cleaning myself up. As I was wearing flip-flops, my toes took a bit of the damage. I tried to cut off the severed skin, but it was tremendously painful so I asked the hotel receptionist to help me. She came up to my room with some scissors and ointment and went about hacking off the skin. That for me is 5-star service. 

The next morning, there was more swelling and I'd developed a black eye. I obviously hit my head a lot harder than I first thought. Well, I didn't die, so I'll just mark this down as a life experience. 

I had planned on going to an elephant sanctuary, where it was advertised that you could bathe the elephants, but to be honest, because of the scratches I was hardly planning to bathe myself that day. Luckily it was raining, so I was free to wallow in the comfort of my hotel, hiding in the shadows like Quasimodo. 

I then had the difficult task of returning the scooter to the rental company. I covered most of my scratches on my arms, legs, and feet, but it was impossible not to notice them considering some were on my hands and face. The conversation went as follows:

Scooter Man: Good morning. Oh dear, what happened to your face?!
Me: Oh, don't worry. I slipped when I was exploring the waterfall.
Scooter Man: It didn't happen on the bike, did it?
Me: What? No. No, no, no. No way. Definitely not. Gosh, could you imagine? Nah. Nope. Nahhh. Never. 
Scooter Man: Well, you just have to be careful at those falls.

I got my passport back and was gone in a shot. So, was it worth it? Well, the bike wasn't stolen and the wine was delicious, so yes. 

I took a minibus to Vang Vieng, which is about halfway between Luang Prabang and the capital, Vientiane. 

Vang Vieng was almost unknown until recent years. During the Vietnam war, the US built an airbase in the town. After Laos reopened its borders to tourists, Vang Vieng became a hub. It was famous for tubing down the Nong Sam River, whereby backpackers would take a rather large amount of drugs, get into tubes and drink booze all the way down the river. Unsurprisingly, many tourists died doing this. Who'd have thought? 

The Laotian government put a stop to this behaviour, which suits me just fine. Reducing ways for me to die is welcomed. 

Instead of the famous tubing, I found activities that kept my scratches from getting infected. I think the last thing my wounds need is to get into a murky river with loads of sexually infected youngsters. 

I did very little in Vang Vieng. It's pretty much a hell hole of a place. A place full of awful backpackers, which has little to offer. It's main attractions are ziplining, hot air ballooning or the aforementioned tubing. I avoided these and went for a hike. I walked the 3 miles out of town and hiked up Pha Ngern. It was a 40-minute steep climb, and the last 10 minutes were the most treacherous. When I reached the top I was dripping with sweat. Sweat had penetrated every inch of my body soaking my wallet and even drenching my money. I took off my shirt at the top, wrung it out and tried to let it dry out a little, but the attempt was futile. So much for keeping my wounds dry.

It rained the entirety of the following day and that concluded my time in Vang Vieng. It's a great place for adrenaline-seeking, drug-taking backpacker, but that's not really my scene. The highlight of my time there was watching Arsenal beat Burnley 2-1 at Gary's Irish Pub.

I was warned that there wasn't much to do in the capital of Vientiane, and they weren't wrong. People often go there on visa runs from Thailand. If that's the purpose of your visit then it seems worth being there because otherwise there is shit all else to do. There was once the Lao People’s Army History Museum, which shed light on the atrocious bombing the country suffered between 1964-73. That museum is permanently closed now. There are plenty of temples, which bore the arse off me. So I ended up spending my time in Vientiane catching up on Match of the Day and watching Netflix shows. I couldn't wait to get out of Laos and back home. 

Luang Prabang is worth a visit for a few days, but the rest of Laos isn't worth the effort, in my opinion. 

People say Laos is similar to France. I guess if France had a nuclear disaster like Chernobyl then I would be able to see the likeness.