There's Too Much On Display at a Jjimjilbang

A jjimjilbang is a spa/bath house, they are very common in Korea. Jjimjilbangs are always touted as a tourist “must do” but, I never really got round to it, until this week.

The first time I became aware of a jjimjilbang was around a year ago when I was sitting in a pub in Bupyeong with Toner and James. The conversation got onto jjimjilbangs, and due to my lack of insight I asked, “what’s a jimjil-thing?” James went on to explain and, James being James, suggested that we went to one there and then.

“Come on, guys! You’re in Korea, you’ve got to try these things!” James probably said. Josh and I passed on his offer and, for once, we got the better of James’ positivity and enthusiasm for life.

My second interaction with a jjimjilbang was when I was innocently looking for a barbershop, to get my hair cut. I found a spinning barber pole and went inside. The “barbershop” was in a basement, I walked down the stairs and was greeted by an old lady who handed me a towel and charged me ₩7,000 up front. Slightly confused by the towel I entered anyway. I was forced to take my shoes off upon entry and was shown to a row of lockers. I was very confused at this stage. As I stood trying to work out this strange Korean barber custom a naked Korean man walked past me with the biggest bush I’d ever seen. “Oh crumbs, I’m in a jjimjilbang.” Well, I had already paid by that stage, I may as well get my haircut.

I wandered over to the barber and said “haircut?” He said yes, and showed me over to the lockers again. I tried my best to explain that I just wanted a haircut but, for the third time he ushered me to the lockers to get undressed. Eventually, I just sat down in the barber’s chair and he took the hint. As I sat in the chair I saw something I had never seen before whilst getting my hair cut. Normally, I stare at myself in the mirror and mentally criticise the job the barber is doing, but this time was different. This time I saw multiple naked men in the mirror as they undressed to enter the spa. Knob after knob wandered past catching my attention each time. I paid and left.

Anyway, I decided to give the jjimjilbang experience a try.

I went to the Dragon Hill Spa in Yongsan, one of the more elaborate jjimjilbangs in Seoul. First of all I went to the locker room, stripped off and changed into the casual pyjamas that are given to you upon arrival. I walked around the common areas, this specific jjimjilbang had it all. There were noraebangs (karaoke rooms), a video game arcade, a restaurant, a PC room, screen golf, a cinema, as well as the more traditional saunas, and ice rooms. I’m not such a fan of saunas and ice rooms. When it was summer I’d complain about the heat, but there I was voluntarily going into an uncomfortable room. And now it’s currently winter, it’s 0°C outside and I’m wrapped up with a warm coat, hat, and gloves, but I’ve paid to go to a place to put on pyjamas, and sit in a freezer encouraging frostbite. They don’t make sense to me. 

I went to the wash room. It was very strange. James said the being naked thing is normal, which I suppose amongst other men it is, but there were children about. Being white and having a beard in Asia most people already assume that I'm a paedophile. To Asians there's no difference between me and Gary Glitter. Being naked around children was weird. Not only that to get from the changing room to the showers you had to walk through a snack bar and past the kids TV area. Being a teacher I'm used to children laughing at me but not normally when I'm naked, it was like a living nightmare.

In the wash room I sat at the waist height taps and scrubbed myself down using the communal soap. Ahh, the communal soap. How many sets of balls have been cleaned with that one bar? You can add another set to the tally. After the rinse I got in the Jacuzzi. I've been in many Jacuzzis in my time, but this was the first time I'd been in one naked with 6 elderly Korean men. As I sat there the hordes of naked boys came in. I realised that it’s less uncomfortable to be naked around old men than young boys.

An encouraged experience at the jjimjilbang is the body scrub. During this process someone takes a flannel and takes all the dead skin off your body. Something I didn’t realise until yesterday was how sensitive your skin is until someone takes a layer of it off with a Brillo Pad. I had a scab on my shoulder when I went in there. Had. Skin grows back, doesn’t it?

Sometimes in my life I consider the choices that I have made and assess where I am and what I’m doing. However bad life can get for me I don't think it will be as bad as the male body scrubber in a jjimjilbang. He charges ₩15,000 to rub old men down (and even does a discount for children (see, I told you it's weird)). That's around £9. Not even Thai ladyboys charge that little...so I've been told. The guy that gave me a rub down (not that kind) certainly wasn’t shy, his Brillo Pad covered every inch of my body and entered every crevice. I suppose I got my money’s worth.

My final verdict on jjimjilbangs is that I did feel relaxed, my skin was incredibly soft after the body scrub, and 24 hours later my it has started to grow back. So if you’re into relaxation and naked children then this is a Korean experience you must not miss. 

The comedian Conan O'Brien visited a jjimjilbang recently. You can watch his analysis of it below.

Korean Delicacies at Gwangjang Market, and Eating Dog (Bosintang)

A few months ago I went with a ‘friend’ to Gwangjang Market in Seoul. It’s a pretty standard market with a huge array of Korean delicacies, of which I tried some of them. All the food that we ate was washed down with beer and soju - it's the Korean way. 

One of the more normal dishes I tried at Gwangjang was yukhoe. Yukhoe is seasoned raw ground beef topped with a raw egg, or as it’s more commonly known in other countries as ‘E.coli topped with salmonella’. The taste was uninspiring, I tried to explain to the waiter that both ingredients tasted better when cooked, but there must have been a language barrier. I read after I had eaten it that in 2011, 5 Japanese people died and 35 were hospitalised after eating yukhoe. Jamie Oliver can say what he likes about the standard of school dinners in the UK, but 10 years of eating Turkey Twizzlers probably saved my life. My stomach could probably fight off a pint of bleach without much hassle.

Some men like breast, others like legs, but the foot fetish guys are always the weirdest – and the same applies for chicken. Dakbal, as it’s known in Korea, is a dish of spicy chicken feet. The look and sound horrific but in actuality they taste OK. The initial thought of popping one in your mouth is the worst part, but my question is ‘why bother?’ When there are so many better parts to eat; a succulent breast, a tender thigh, I was struggling to think of a reason to eat chewy, meatless feet. It was an experience that I shall not repeat.

The waste not, want not culture of Korean food doesn’t stop with chicken feet, the Koreans also enjoy jokbal which is a dish consisting of pig trotters cooked in soy sauce. I tried this dish in Gwangjang Market and it left me unfulfilled. Friends had told me prior that it was delicious, a delight not to be missed. Well, what I ate was disgusting. It was extremely tough to chew, pretty much all skin, and served cold. I was told after that this is not how it should have been served. So I’ve literally experienced the worst kind of jokbal available.

Beondegi is a dish that I haven’t been brave enough to try. The main reason being that beondegi is silkworms and they smell exactly as you’d imagine a steamed bowl of silkworms would smell. Fucking rank. It’s another case of ‘why?’ I’m sure that when food supplies were scarce you had to make do with what food was available, but nowadays Korea has one of the strongest economies in the world. Even Bear Grylls would turn his nose up at beondegi. 

And, probably by far, the most commonly known food to come from Korea, is of course dog soup (bosintang). There is a lot of controversy regarding the consumption of dog meat, and many state that it is technically illegal to eat. So, for the record I definitely did not eat bosintang on the 23^rd February around 4pm, but if a fictional person in Korea were to go to a restaurant and eat bosintang it might look like this (right).

If one were to eat it, they might say that it tastes like low grade beef, and that it's as chewy as a piece of leather, and that it's likely that they'll pick it out of their teeth for a week. But, who actually knows? That's just the imaginary opinion of a fictitious person. 

I won't be rushing out to get another bowl anytime soon...I mean that person won't be rushing out. But, as the saying goes "it could be worse, you could be Scouse, eating rats in your council house".

I'm just reporting on this, but leave me alone with your pet at your own risk. 

Often in my classes my students are all too happy to tell me that they once visited England and “experienced” British cuisine. They say it’s salty and horrible. Food is subjective, and in my personal opinion I’d much rather have a Sunday roast than bulgogi, and I’d share a bucket of vindaloo with Fat Les rather than eat chicken feet, but each to their own.