Korean Delicacies at Gwangjang Market, and Eating Dog (Bosintang)

A few months ago I went with a ‘friend’ to Gwangjang Market in Seoul. It’s a pretty standard market with a huge array of Korean delicacies, of which I tried some of them. All the food that we ate was washed down with beer and soju - it's the Korean way. 

One of the more normal dishes I tried at Gwangjang was yukhoe. Yukhoe is seasoned raw ground beef topped with a raw egg, or as it’s more commonly known in other countries as ‘E.coli topped with salmonella’. The taste was uninspiring, I tried to explain to the waiter that both ingredients tasted better when cooked, but there must have been a language barrier. I read after I had eaten it that in 2011, 5 Japanese people died and 35 were hospitalised after eating yukhoe. Jamie Oliver can say what he likes about the standard of school dinners in the UK, but 10 years of eating Turkey Twizzlers probably saved my life. My stomach could probably fight off a pint of bleach without much hassle.

Some men like breast, others like legs, but the foot fetish guys are always the weirdest – and the same applies for chicken. Dakbal, as it’s known in Korea, is a dish of spicy chicken feet. The look and sound horrific but in actuality they taste OK. The initial thought of popping one in your mouth is the worst part, but my question is ‘why bother?’ When there are so many better parts to eat; a succulent breast, a tender thigh, I was struggling to think of a reason to eat chewy, meatless feet. It was an experience that I shall not repeat.

The waste not, want not culture of Korean food doesn’t stop with chicken feet, the Koreans also enjoy jokbal which is a dish consisting of pig trotters cooked in soy sauce. I tried this dish in Gwangjang Market and it left me unfulfilled. Friends had told me prior that it was delicious, a delight not to be missed. Well, what I ate was disgusting. It was extremely tough to chew, pretty much all skin, and served cold. I was told after that this is not how it should have been served. So I’ve literally experienced the worst kind of jokbal available.

Beondegi is a dish that I haven’t been brave enough to try. The main reason being that beondegi is silkworms and they smell exactly as you’d imagine a steamed bowl of silkworms would smell. Fucking rank. It’s another case of ‘why?’ I’m sure that when food supplies were scarce you had to make do with what food was available, but nowadays Korea has one of the strongest economies in the world. Even Bear Grylls would turn his nose up at beondegi. 

And, probably by far, the most commonly known food to come from Korea, is of course dog soup (bosintang). There is a lot of controversy regarding the consumption of dog meat, and many state that it is technically illegal to eat. So, for the record I definitely did not eat bosintang on the 23^rd February around 4pm, but if a fictional person in Korea were to go to a restaurant and eat bosintang it might look like this (right).

If one were to eat it, they might say that it tastes like low grade beef, and that it's as chewy as a piece of leather, and that it's likely that they'll pick it out of their teeth for a week. But, who actually knows? That's just the imaginary opinion of a fictitious person. 

I won't be rushing out to get another bowl anytime soon...I mean that person won't be rushing out. But, as the saying goes "it could be worse, you could be Scouse, eating rats in your council house".

I'm just reporting on this, but leave me alone with your pet at your own risk. 

Often in my classes my students are all too happy to tell me that they once visited England and “experienced” British cuisine. They say it’s salty and horrible. Food is subjective, and in my personal opinion I’d much rather have a Sunday roast than bulgogi, and I’d share a bucket of vindaloo with Fat Les rather than eat chicken feet, but each to their own. 

Furry Felines, Horny Hounds, and Coffee

It’s taken a while but I finally got round to going to both a cat café and a dog café. Korea is renowned for these particular attractions so like the tourist that I am I went. I’m still not sure if I like them or not, on one hand these places pamper the animals, there’s a constant flow of customers coming in and giving the animals attention and treats, but on the other hand the animals are essentially caged all day. The good outweighs the bad so I think I’m fine with it.

Karl and I had our first man date in a dog café. I feel sorry for dogs in Korea, it’s the ultimate beauty contest, it’s almost like Russian roulette. If you’re a cute dog then you’ll end up in a café, if you’re a mutt then you’ll end up in the butchers (it’s not strictly legal but it still happens).

People in Korea (especially girls) love all things cute, so most of the dogs were tiny spaniels, poodles, or Chihuahuas; there were a few cool dogs there though. Dogs are fun to watch, they’re easily excited, running around, fighting, and more often than not they’re humping which is always funny. There was an army guy at the next table to Karl and I, he was there with his girlfriend. At one point I overheard him say “I didn’t come here to watch dog porn”. That was the main reason I was there, it was entertaining, I took like 40 pictures.

A few weeks later and Karl and I had our second man date, this time at a cat café. Karl doesn’t really like cats so he was slightly reluctant to go. The first thing I noticed was the lack of enthusiasm that cats generally have. They’d be lying down and act like “Oh look, more people. So what?” There were many Koreans also in the café and they were speaking Korean to the cats and it dawned on me that the cats probably know more Korean than I do.

The cats have free reign of the café, they will walk all over the counters, I really hate that. I wasn’t too keen on the coffee in these animal cafes. It’s probably not worth thinking about that the same people that clean up after the animals also make the coffee, like I said I’d rather not think about it.

The cats generally do nothing unless you give them a treat. The other customers bought some chicken and the cats all rush to them. Having only spent a short amount of time there you soon start to realise that cats are sluts. Cat cafés are like strip clubs and the cats are the strippers, they’re only interested in you if you tip them. They will sit on your lap if you pay them.

Whereas dogs, they’re more like the drunk girl at a party. They put on a show for everyone and don’t expect anything in return. Dogs and drunk girls are just happy to be getting the attention.

So which do I like more, cats or dogs? Well, that’s the same as asking which do I like more, strippers or drunk girls? Let’s just say I like cats and dogs equally.