Hue to Hoi An: The Top Gear Challenge

So, you may have seen the Top Gear episode when they biked the length of Vietnam. There are plenty of people out here doing just that, but I wasn't one of them. Wes and I opted to do the short route (130km) from Hue to Hoi An taking in the Hai Van pass. We also decided that as neither of us were exactly well-established bikers (I'd ridden on for about 2 days in the Philippines and Wes had never been on one) that we'd opt for the easy rider option. We paid a couple of Vietnamese fellas the enormous sum of $40 to take us the route with us on the back.

We just sat back, took in the view, and snapped away. I've gone through the hundreds of pictures I took and here are the best.

Wes and I enjoying the journey!

The guide said this was the largest lake in Asia. The internet says otherwise.

We got caught in this storm. I told the guide that I didn't mind getting a little wet, but he insisted I wore some waterproofs. He was right.

We stopped at Elephant falls. It was pretty cool. We took a dip and had another beer. 

We did the trip with Charlotte. I honestly didn't mind her tagging along in her bikini.

Just posing. Honest, mum.

Up the mountain roads.

Into the clouds.

At the top there was an American bunker. 

With reminders of the battles that took place here.

So apparently, we chose a bad day to do the trip. The view from the top is meant to be quite incredible, but all we saw was rain  clouds. Coming down the other side of the pass and this was the view. 

We arrived in Hoi An and Wes got measured for a suit. She needed a bigger stool.

We had a couple of relaxing days in Hoi An. It's quite a quaint romantic place, just what Wes and I needed. We headed down the beach. Just a 4km bike ride. I was hardly in the best of shape before going travelling and with copious amounts of alcohol and eating pretty poorly I'm just a sunburned tubby mess. Although I needed the exercise I didn't appreciate it in the heat.

It seemed worth it in the end.

The weeks pass so quickly when you're living this life. No work, lying on the beach, seeing some fantastic sights and partying every night. Someone's got to do it.

A Day in Hue: A Motorbike Tour of the City

I'll keep this one short. Wes and I arrived in Hue with half the day already gone. By time the train had arrived, we had gotten a taxi, and had brunch it was into the afternoon. We got talked into this tour by the reception staff and it turned out to be great. Here's a breakdown of what we did.

From the hostel we crossed the river and our first stop was The Imperial City. A walled fortress and palace. It wasn't in the best of shape as there had been little renovation - is that better? I'm not sure. Hue was the former capital of Vietnam and this is where the big wigs got things done. Built in 1804.

The front entrance

The courtyard

A side gate

Back on the bikes and off to the Thien Mu Pagoda. The Thien Mu Pagoda is a seven-story and is the tallest religious building in Vietnam. Yes, I copied and pasted that from Wikipedia.

It was pretty sweet

Next stop was at the tomb of Minh Mang. He was the second emperor of Vietnam and won a few wars, notably against the Chams (the northern Vietnamese). He also disliked the French, but then who doesn't?

It was miles from Hue and down some pretty narrow treacherous roads. It was at this point I thought we were going to get robbed and left in the wilderness.

Off again, this time to the tomb of Khai Dinh. He was twelfth king of the Nguyen Dynasty. He was another lad who was quite unpopular with the Vietnamese. He collaborated with the French and was a powerless puppet, apparently. He even raised taxes on the Vietnamese peasants. Not quite sure why the locals haven't burnt down his gravesite. What a bastard.

Our final stop was at the abandoned waterfall. It seemed a strange name as I didn't think a waterfall could be inhabited. Anyway, we arrived and it was in fact an abandoned water park. Apparently it's an attraction. We walked around, didn't really fancy a swim the the mucky water and then got back on the bikes home.

It was a good tour. I didn't actually learn anything on the day as the tour guide's accent was pretty strong. I just nodded and said "interesting" when he finished talking. There was some Wikipedia research when I got home.

Hanoi and Ha Long Bay: To Heaven and Hell and Back

It is mayhem here. The streets are alive with noise. There doesn’t seem to be any coordination. Right outside a nice coffee shop there will be a woman fixing an old motor and a chicken running around. It’s busy and the traffic is so unorganised, but somehow it works. Everyone just drives in the direction they want, across the road, the wrong direction and even sometimes in the right direction. Crossing the road is a lot easier than it looks though. Quite simply step out and the bikes will go around you. Wes wasn’t convinced, so I proved my theory by stepping out without looking and made it across fine. Sorry Mum, probably shouldn’t have mentioned that.

We got a motorbike taxi around the city. The driver handed me a feeble excuse of a helmet. It was made from a thin bit of plastic and the buckle was broken. As we drove around I had to hold it on with my hand. In the unfortunate event that we were in an accident I don't think it was going to be of much use.

You'll notice everyone is driving in different directions

Taking his shopping home on both handlebars and giving his mate a lift.

We went to the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum. I didn’t know Ho Chi Minh was a person, I’ve only known him as a city. He was the first president of Vietnam and helped gain independence from France…I think. To be honest I’m still not entirely sure who he was and what he did. I was too hungover to really learn that much about him. He must have been pretty important to have had a city named after him. I ought to read up about him.

We later went to the Maison Centrale Prison. Built by the French to imprison and torture any Vietnamese who opposed their rule, and later housed American pilots that crashed and landed in Vietnam. John McCain was imprisoned there. It puts my complaints of being hungover into perspective.

Back at the hostel and both Wes and I agreed that we must not get drunk that night as we’re getting picked up for a boat trip at 6am. You can imagine what happened next. This one was my fault to be honest. I was easily attracted to the 3-hour happy hour – with one of those hours of FREE beer. I’m not entirely sure what time we retired to bed, but only a few hours later we were up and preparing ourselves for a 6-hour journey to Ha Long Bay. Bus, boat, bus, and another boat journey and we made it. And when we got there all of our complaints were forgotten as this was to be our home for the next few days.

A tropical, hidden paradise. No wifi and no connection with normal society. Just and incredible view and a few beers.

Unfortunately the island was already inhabited by a group of people called “reps”. These people are employed to make sure you have a “good time”. 

Wearing the typical uniform of flip flops, shorts, a baseball hat on backwards and a very loose fitting tank top. They often shout through a microphone “who’s ready to have a good time?!” Just shhh. I want to have a good time, but stop shouting. Give us some safety information, tell us where is the first-aid box is and put some music on. The rest will take care of itself.

Drinking from 1pm is dangerous. If there was a competition for who got the drunkest I definitely won and partly down to Wes. One of the rules of the beach bar is that if you ring the gong hanging nearby you must buy everyone a drink. Wes turns to me and asks “should I ring that gong?” to which I have the easiest answer for him. “Yes. Yes, you definitely should”. He did. Twice. He has more money than sense and he doesn’t have that much money.

The next day there was very little time to rest and enjoy the scenery as we were on a booze cruise at 10am. Yes, 10am. It was a pretty sweet day of meeting new people, kayaking through Ha Long Bay, and drinking. It’s a truly beautiful place.

Two days on that island is enough though. After 2 days of very intense partying, no sleep, eating the same food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, sleeping in a sandy bed, getting sunburnt, being hungover, and having to listen to those reps constantly shouting I was ready to go. Unfortunately for me we had the 6-hour journey back to Hanoi ahead. I was suicidal.

I am currently writing this edition from an overnight sleeper train from Hanoi to Hue. It’s peaceful and I’m going to get the first good night’s sleep in since leaving England.

It’s almost been a month since I stopped working, travelled to England, back to Seoul, and have been enjoying myself in Vietnam. It’s moments like this one that you appreciate the small things. A bed free of sand, a non-alcoholic drink, and time to rest. 

Seoul Again

I made a flying visit back home long enough to see my nearest and dearest before I headed back to Seoul, this time on holiday. 8 days over Chuseok to show Wes around my beloved city.

My flight was via Delhi and avid readers of this blog will know my thoughts on that place already. Despite how I feel India is never boring. I had a 3 hour layover and did what everyone does, headed for the bar. I got chatting to an Australian guy, mid-40s with a long beard. He had just been travelling Europe on a motorbike and we drank and shared stories. He was an interesting guy. Then came a question out of the blue. “What do you think of aliens?” This is why I don’t talk to strangers. He went on to explain how there is no God, but the earth is alive and controls everything and that aliens exist among us much like the plot of the movie Men In Black. Why are the weirdest ones in India?

In Seoul and we managed to see a lot. Gwangjang Market, a baseball game, a dog café, Gyeongbuk Palace, Myeongdong, the War Museum, my old stomping ground of Kondae, and the most boring goalless draw ever played.

The only trouble with visiting over the holidays was that a few places were closed.

The highlight, other than seeing a few faces, was the DMZ tour. While there it was kicking off. I’m not sure what the North Koreans were doing, but they were in a stand-off with the South Koreans. We were also being watched by someone. After having a look around the JSA buildings we weren’t allowed to continue the tour due to safety reasons.

Wes and I either side of the border.

The North and South Koreans in stand off.

Our dreamy US soldier tour guide.

And before I knew it it was all over. Two-and-a-half years in Korea and I’m out. When I boarded by flight back in December 2013 to move there I thought I was making a terrible mistake and the first Google search I made there was “how to get out of a contract in Korea”. Having done it I can say it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

On to the next adventure Hanoi…

Osaka, Japan: Japanese Nerds are a Special Breed

My trip to Japan didn’t end in Kyoto, I also was fortunate enough to take in Osaka for a few days. The closest I had gotten to Osaka in the past was owning one of those Superdry Osaka t-shirts that everyone had in the late 00s. Why were they so popular? Were Japanese people wearing t-shirts with Bradford emblazoned on them? I didn’t see any while I was there.

The train didn’t take too long and I was out sightseeing before lunch. First stop, the Shitenno-ji Temple. It’s the first official temple ever built in all of Japan dating back to 593. And it seemed that they were still building it.

Those scaffolders didn’t take the Zen vibe into consideration much. I think even Gautama Buddha would have lost his rag trying to meditate during that racket.

It looked better from this angle.

Onto the next quieter sightseeing destination, and I ended up at the Namba Yasaka Shrine. Some say it’s a huge lion’s head, others say it’s a demon’s head. All I know is that it’s too big for my apartment. It’s actually a platform where they stage performances. It’s over the top and tacky, but that’s Japan. I liked it.

Next on the agenda – Nipponbashi. It’s a shopping district popular with “otaku” (people who are fond of anime, manga, video games, and such collectables) or “nerds” to most normal folk. I walked around wide-eyed. What happened to Japan? The men have gone from samurai warriors and kamikaze pilots to socially inept men who fall in love with a pillow. 

OK, maybe that’s a huge generalization, but these people exist in large numbers. I wandered the streets questioning how anyone could be interested in such things.

I found a retro gaming shop. It was the one shop that I genuinely enjoyed looking around, I suppose it was nostalgia more than anything. Entire walls of SNESs, Nintendo 64s, PS1s, Gamecubes, Sega Mega Drives, Dreamcasts, games and memorabilia. Maybe, just maybe my inner otaku came out a little.

In the evening I looked around the areas of Shinsekai and Dontonbori.

Dinner, a little sake, a few beers, and then bed was the plan. I ended up meeting these two fun guys, Justin and Aaron. They were fun in the “we love Judy Garland and Liza Minnelli” sort of way.

Justin, a professional dancer, and Aaron, a naval officer (the two gayest professions after rent boy) had the audacity to ask me, one of the butchest men wearing a pink t-shirt, if I was gay. You can imagine my horror.

They were both staying at a Japanese pod/capsule hotel nearby. Maybe it was a subconscious decision, fitting into tight spaces.

We were a Brit, an Aussie, and a Yank drinking in Osaka. It sounds like the beginning of a terrible joke, but it turned out to a great night and I got to bed at 5am. My own bed. I was drunk, but I wasn’t that drunk.

The next morning, after shaking off the hangover, I took a wander over to Osaka Castle. Probably Osaka’s most famous site. It played a major role in the unification of Japan during the 16^th century. This blog is not only homophobic, but also informative.

I flew home the next day. I like Japan.