New York, New York...That Closes at One

New York – The City that Never Sleeps, The Melting Pot, The City of Apples.

This famous city was to be the destination for our family holiday. It was a welcome break too as I hadn’t seen them in 9 months or so. Expectations were high for this one, especially considering it is touted as “the greatest city in the world”, but it’s not like Americans to exaggerate or boast.

The trip didn’t start off too well. First, there was a visa issue which almost prevented me from travelling, and once that was sorted I had an 8,000-mile journey from Seoul to New York, via Shanghai (no, I didn’t get lost, the flights were cheaper that way). 26 hours-ish. Each way. When you’ve got a long journey like that you want to travel with a quality airline, so that’s why I flew with China Eastern. And if the Chinese are known for one thing it’s quality.

It gave me a chance to catch up on some classic movies that you must see before you die. Movies such as Transformers: Age of Extinction and Furious 7. Wow, Furious 7 is an awful movie. I know why Paul Walker died, he saw the first edit of the movie and committed suicide. That movie grossed $1.5billion. Yeah, billion. Anyway, I couldn’t finish it.

Arriving in New York is pretty surreal. I’ve seen the city hundreds of times on TV and in movies, but to be there was awe-inspiring, especially coming from Seoul. I love Seoul, but it’s a hideous city. The architecture in New York is truly amazing.

I know, I’m comparing the best and worst aspects of the two cities.

Before leaving Seoul I made a list of “things I must see/do in New York”. You know, the cliché, touristy stuff everyone does. The list included:

• Seeing the city from the observation deck of the Empire State Building.
• Visit the Statue of Liberty.
• Overhear a vegan hipster say something like “my band only records on vinyl, it sounds way better” while walking into a Wholefoods.
• Connect with a New Yorker by saying things like “Texas is real America,” and “things will be different when Trump is in power.”
• See a moaning Jew.

Amongst other things.

Top of the Rock

Above all else, the thing that I was most excited to do in New York was attend a comedy show at The Comedy Cellar in Manhattan. When I was a teenager and everyone was talking above their favourite bands and experimenting with drugs I was listening to the back catalogues of stand-up comedians. I would spend hours upon hours listening to content wherever I could find it and I developed a preference for American stand-up. Stand-up is the purest form of comedy. No script editing, no directors changing the concept, no interfering producers. A person can have a thought, go on stage and deliver that thought. It is art. An art form that yields instant results – if it is funny people will laugh.

The hubs for comedy in America are Los Angeles, Chicago, but none more so than New York.

Some of the biggest names in comedy started, passed through, or continue to ply their trade in New York. People such as; Dave Chappelle, Larry David, Bill Burr, Aziz Ansari, Patrice O’Neal, Woody Allen, Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Maher, Chris Rock, and the incredible Louis C.K., to name just a few of my favourites.

So being in New York presented me with an opportunity to experience this first hand. I retraced the steps of Louis C.K. in the opening credits of his show Louie. Surfacing from West 4^th Street Subway Station, walking towards The Comedy Cellar stopping at Ben’s Pizzeria for a slice. The night at The Cellar was amazing and hopefully it won’t be my last experience of the New York comedy scene.

Sure, I posed like a tourist, but I was a tourist.

The weather was remarkable too. It varied from sunshine, howling winds, long downpours, and even snow. Snow in April, who’d have thought it? I can confirm it as I saw it when I stumbled out of the Private Eyes strip club at 5am on a Monday morning. I didn’t know you could rate and review strip clubs, but it has a 2-star rating on Yelp, which is about right.

We were the ultimate group of tourists having gone to Times Square, The Rockefeller Centre, the Empire State Building, Ellis Island, Liberty Island, an NBA game at the Barclays Centre, the 9/11 Memorial, the Natural History Museum, and so many other places that I can’t remember.

Times Square - The novelty wears off pretty quickly when you walk through it everyday.

The Statue of Liberty and Manhattan

By the end of the trip I did feel like a true New Yorker, I was annoyed with all the tourists in Times Square and was even arguing with taxi drivers.

“Where to?”
“Brooklyn Ave Station, please.”
“There is no Brooklyn Ave Station.”
“There is, so just take me there.”
“I don’t know where you want me to take you.”
“Look mate, I’m in a rush and if you’re not going to take me I’ll just take the subway.”

I got on the subway, checked the map and it said Bedford Ave Station. Of all the station names to forget and I forgot Bedford. Yes, I argued with a taxi driver who had probably been driving around the city for 20 years even though I’d only been there for 2 days. I was blending in, that’s what us New Yorkers do.

You can choose your friends...

Luckily Dad had a hair dye accident, which meant he had the dodgier Barnet of the two of us.

5 days just isn’t enough there. I walked a lot, laughed even more, and ate too much. It was great to spend time with my family, and no doubt I will be back again.

Life In England, Coming Back to Korea, and the Worst Night Out of My Life

OK, so there’s been a change of plan…

I’m now back in Korea. I genuinely didn’t want this to happen, I had decided that I needed to go somewhere new, but there was always a difficult barrier to overcome. Either it was a contract condition that I wasn’t happy with, or I had to be in the country for a face-to-face interview, or the salary to cost of living ratio was too far out of balance. The easy option was to go back to Korea.

I had originally decided to stay in the UK for 6 months, but life in Bedford isn’t all that interesting, the novelty of home had worn off, and although my parents were happy to have me back, my feet were itchier that a bad case of crabs. So, I’m back in hot, humid Seoul. Back at my old school, living in my old apartment – it was like I was never away.

Don’t get me wrong, the time I spent home in England was great. I got to spend time with all of my family, and either they’re all excellent liars or they genuinely missed me while I was away. I got to reconcile with family members that I haven’t seen in 15 years? And of course I got to catch up with a great bunch of friends. It would appear that no matter how long I might have been away there would have been a great reception upon my return. I couldn’t have asked for more.

Despite all the great things of home; the people, the food, (some of) the nights out, and a reasonably priced Guinness, there were aspects of being home that bothered me.

Something that I never realised before was how racist people are towards Asian people. Some people knew that I’d been away, and others I had mentioned it to them, but as soon as I did it opened a flood gate of seemingly accepted racism. The worst I heard were “How is your Thai bride?”, “Good morning, Vietnam!” and “ching chong ching”. The ignorance is strong with these people. "Thai bride", "Vietnam", these aren’t even relatable to Korea. They’re completely different countries. And “ching chong ching”? Even Jim Davidson and Mel Gibson would conclude that this Chinese gibberish is too racist for their tastes.

For some reason people still think it’s acceptable to say racist things about Asian people. I don’t think these same people would say bigoted things about other races or nationalities. It was another contributing factor that made me want to leave earlier than planned.

And here’s another thing, I was in South Korea, not North Korea. No, I didn’t meet Kim Jong-Un. No, it’s not “basically China”. No, there isn’t continuous warfare between the North and South. And the 2018 Winter Olympics will be held in Pyeongchang not Pyeongyang – they’re different places. I probably shouldn’t be annoyed with these misconceptions, after all there is very little Korean exposure in the UK. With the exception of Psy’s famous hit, Park Ji-sung, and, apparently, AFC Wimbledon’s love of Shin Ramen, people know next to nothing of Korea.

Did I have doubts about going back? Sure. Will it be the same? Will the second year have too much to live up to? I don’t know, but I’ve dallied on too many big decisions recently. I managed to convince myself that it wasn’t the right time to go and live in Japan, Hong Kong, China, or Vietnam (which is very hard to do!) and I couldn’t do the same with Korea, I didn’t want to wait any longer.

The reasons to go outweigh the few to stay. I was doing a meaningless job where the topic of conversation of each day was tits and fanny. Don’t get me wrong I love tits and fanny as much as the next man (unless the next man is Ched Evans) but I don’t want to talk about it every bloody day. There was the boredom of home creeping in, lacking a sense of adventure, learning nothing new. These are valid, obvious reasons to continue exploring a country I am so fond of living in.

When considering my last two weekends in England they are at the two ends of the spectrum of enjoyment and one was a definite factor in leaving England so rapidly. My penultimate weekend was an unplanned night out, usually these are the best ones, but this was not one of them. It all started well, a few lads and I played a couple of rounds of 9-hole foot-golf (football and golf for those without an imagination). 

Peggy doing what he does best

It was suggested that we go for a few beers after in the neighbouring town of Newport Pagnell, hardly glamorous, but I’ll rarely turn down a few beers with the boys. At this point I did express my concern as I was wearing a Galatasaray football shirt, but was told that it shouldn’t be a problem. A few pubs into a pub crawl and I was approached by UKIP’s poster boy, some product of the Hitler Youth’s sister programme – the Farage Adolescence. He felt that he needed to take time out of his night to inform me that, as I was wearing a Turkish football shirt that had the Islamic star and crescent emblazed on it, that by wearing the shirt I was “supporting and funding ISIS”. Really? The Galatasaray board of directors had a meeting and established their season objectives: to acquire the best available playing staff, to remain profitable and sustainable financially, and to send a couple of youth players on loan to al-Qaeda FC. (And if that mong is reading this (which he definitely is not, he’s probably got his head buried into the latest edition of The Daily Sport) the star and crescent was originally a symbol of the Ottoman Empire. The symbol became associated with Islamism in the mid-20^th century, so the crest on the shirt is more an association with Turkish history rather than any religious connection.) We bid the awful man adieu and made our way to Milton Keynes - this was a terrible idea. I was rejected from every establishment for my choice of shirt and was even spat on. I went home soon after. (Can you tell I’m still angry about that night?)

The following weekend was by contrast sensational. A day and night out in London. Beers on the train down, beers by the river, watched the Football Manager “derby” between AFC Wimbledon and Watford, beers at the game, cycled to Camden on the Borris bikes (this was funny at the time, but a rather dangerous idea), beers in Camden, met some Koreans and showed off my terrible Korean language skills, more beers, and then got the train back to Bedford. No drama, just a great day without religious hate, or airborne saliva. Why can’t every weekend be like that?

Anyway, I’ve been in Korea for a few days, it was all rushed in the end and I didn’t get to see people properly before leaving, which was a disappointment.

Sorry if this one seemed like a rant, it’s just I haven’t written for a while.

Thanks for reading.

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