Central America Part 2: Nicaragua & Costa Rica

From El Cuco in El Salvador, we headed to our next destination of Leon, Nicaragua. To get there we had to travel back into Honduras and then to Nicaragua, meaning two land border crossings in one day. Sometimes these border crossings can be effortless as the authorities stamp your passport and wave you through without a care, while other times there is a lot of bureaucratic red tape to work around. Choco, the tour guide, told us to settle in for the crossing into Nicaragua as the process can take anything from 1-5 hours depending on the mood of the immigration officers. We needed something to lighten the mood and we were given a gift from the footballing gods. The Northwest Derby between Liverpool and Manchester United was on, and while we couldn’t watch the game, we followed the score online. Liverpool had taken a 1-0 lead into the half-time break and all seemed normal, but when the second half kicked off United started to leak goals. A lot of goals. “Another one!” I would announce to the group as Liverpool began dismantling United. “And another! And another!” Ray the Gooner was in disbelief, while Ian the Scouser was in fits of laughter. He couldn’t believe his eyes, mainly because he was blind, but he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Liverpool 7 Manchester United 0. The immigration officers must have all been Liverpool fans as they waved us through after about an hour and a half.

Nicaragua

The city of Leon was the capital of Nicaragua until 1857 when it was changed to Managua. We explored the city with the most notable sight being the cathedral, or to give it its full name "Royal and Renowned Basilica Cathedral of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary". I’d argue how renowned it is, mind you. It was here where Tommy (the flamboyantly gay guy I mentioned in the previous blog) fell and I loudly laughed at him. The laugh echoed around the cathedral, which made it more awkward when he had actually hurt himself.

We continued to explore the city of Leon with Tommy and Lena (mid-twenties, from Ukraine). We’d spent some time together during the trip, but I had resisted all urges to discuss the war with her. I figured that she was on holiday and the last thing she wanted to talk about was the deaths of her countrymen. That was until we strolled through the main square in Leon and found a Nicaraguan-Russian alliance exhibit. The two countries are quite pally with the Nicaraguan President, Daniel Ortega, backing Russia’s invasion. Russia has close ties with Nicaragua, Cuba, and Venezuela, all the best ones. I asked Lena what she thought of the current conflict, to which she looked at me and just rolled her eyes. I could tell that she meant Russia’s unprovoked and unjustified aggression against Ukraine has caused significant human casualties and forced millions of people to flee their homes. The war has also had a significant and lasting impact on global food markets. A leading exporter of grain, Ukraine has seen a dramatic drop in its exports, resulting in major food security concerns for millions of people around the world. European countries have banned the Russian oil, gas and diesel they relied on, which initially caused a steep spike in prices and have invested millions in moves to more sustainable resources. You can tell a lot from an eye roll.

From Leon, we continued the tour to Grenada. Although a beautiful and quaint town, it wasn’t too dissimilar to the towns we’d already visited. Spanish colonial architecture, a cathedral, an abundance of churches, etc., etc. However, the surrounding natural features were quite spectacular. Our first stop was Apoyo Lagoon Natural Reserve. In the volcanic lagoon, we swam, snorkelled, and kayaked before we got bored of all that activity and sipped on piña coladas beside the water.

We towelled off and headed for the Mombacho Volcano. It’s an active volcano and you can see directly into it where the magma bubbles and boils. It last erupted in 1570, which either calms your fears as that was 453 years ago, or it heightens your fears as it should be due for an eruption soon. It also didn’t help that I recently watched the Netflix documentary The Volcano: Rescue From Whakaari where tourists were caught in a volcano eruption. Some died, but those who suffered the most were those who survived the steam emitted from the volcano as it basically melted their flesh off from their bones. Anyway, I managed to survive on this occasion.

We headed down the volcano and back to the hotel. We were all in good spirits after a great day and the tour guide had prepared some cocktails for a two-hour ride back to Grenada. We hit the rush hour traffic when the minibus started to splutter and jolt. We came to a halt and had broken down. The guide asked for volunteers to push the bus to the side of the road. Considering the fragility of the bones of my aged travellers, I felt that I was more suited to help in this case. I made my way from the back of the bus out, but when I had gotten to the rear of the vehicle there were already enough volunteers for the task, including Linda who was about 72. The geriatrics got the bus rolling without my help, but I was now the spare part. I was neither helping and was left standing in the road. I had to jog alongside the bus while the oldies pushed it into the bus lane, reiterating why they are known as ‘The Greatest Generation’ and I was reinforcing the notion that millennials are useless. We all boarded the bus while the driver and the guide worked out a plan. I hid at the back of the bus sipping on my cocktail hiding the fact that I’d contributed nothing to help the situation so far. This new development almost put a dent into what had been a great day up to that point, but along came Tommy to save the day. He grabbed the bus microphone and announced it was karaoke time! He put on Lady Gaga and sang Alejandro while reminding everyone how shy he was before belting out the next verse. While Tommy kept the morale of the troops up, the driver and guide were trying to organise another bus to come and pick us up, when out of nowhere a man arrived offering help. He was in the barbershop getting a trim when he saw the gringo bus pull over. He left the chair with his head half shaved and gown still attached. After about 45 minutes of Lady Gaga’s greatest hits, the mechanic worked his magic and the bus fired up. We were on our way! Travelling is all about these moments. Sure, we had seen some beautiful sights that day, but when adversity hit we made the most of the bad situation, received the kindness of strangers, and made a positive memory. The cocktails didn’t hurt the situation either.

The next morning, we had another early rise and boarded the bus for the island of Ometepe. The island is formed from two volcanoes that emerged from Lake Nicaragua. Lake Nicaragua is the only body of freshwater that contains oceanic life including sharks, swordfish, and tarpons. We had the option to do a day hike to the peak of Volcano Conception, but having explored volcanoes only 1 day prior, we opted to explore the nature at sea level. We walked around the lagoons and spotted howler monkeys. To be honest, they were hard to miss as the tour guide was howling out to them and they’d howl back, much like the call and response you’d get if you walked down Holloway Road and asked ‘What do you think of Tottenham?!’ We spotted wild horses, an array of birds, and some vicious-looking insects. The guide stopped the group to look at a particular group of ants, which he informed us were edible. He placed his finger on the tree, allowed a few to climb on, and then started munching on them. He told us to make sure to bite them otherwise they’d be crawling around your insides. I was hesitant at first as I thought it was a practical joke by the guide that he could get a bunch of gringos to do whatever he wanted by giving us some touristy spiel. His spiel convinced me and I ate the ants and you know what, they weren’t bad! They tasted like carrots!

Costa Rica

Costa Rica is the most visited country in Central America. Tourists flock here for the beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and thrilling activities. As a result, Costa Rica’s economy thrives in comparison to its neighbours and this creates some hostility. This video perfectly sums up the tourism tensions between Costa Rica and the other countries in the region.

From Ometepe Island in Nicaragua, we made the long journey to Monteverde. We were booked in for a jungle night tour. With a guide, you’re taken through the dense vegetation during the night when most animals are most active. It sounds amazing, but the night is when I can see the least and jaguars are out looking for prey. This is when it’s a great time to be on tour with the pensioners as I can outrun them easily. Just consider them dry-aged mature meat. We put on our headlamps and started trekking into the wilderness. We hadn’t even left the car park when an armadillo walked past us, which was a fun and safe start to animal spotting. If a jaguar got too close, I’d have to hotfoot it out of there as quickly as possible, but an armadillo is of no threat to me. When threatened, they curl up into a ball and I’d embody Roberto Carlos and boot that thing as far as possible. The guide found a range of woodland creatures that were interesting to look at from a distance. Insects, mammals, birds, and even a tarantula that he prodded with a stick. It made my skin crawl as I shivered, shook, and ran or to describe my actions more accurately, acted like a little bitch. But to top it off, he made us turn off all of our headlamps, and he took out his UV light. With this, he managed to find a scorpion. He calmly picked it up, huddled us into a circle, placed it at our feet, and showed us how it glows under UV light. However, he turned off his UV light and we were left in utter darkness now with the knowledge that there was a scorpion inches from us. I tried my best to not act like a little bitch again, but it was pretty much impossible. We finished the tour and no OAPs were eaten by jaguars, so I’d call that a success.

The next morning, I signed up for the ultimate zip-lining adventure! It boasts the longest zipline in all of Latin America at 1,590m! To be honest, I’m not great with heights, but I put that aside in the knowledge that there have been no (reported) accidents here and that it’s all tested and safe. What I forgot to take into account was how I’ve become scared by almost everything now and how much of a little bitch I act when I’m not in comfortable situations. I got geared up and did the first few lines (not that kind) without any drama. When we reached the big ones, the instructors gave us a choice to do the zipline in the traditional manner or to do it in Superman style. The Billy Big Bollocks that I was I opted for the Superman and got into position where they attach you to the line via your back and ankles. I was hoisted into position for less than 5 seconds before I turned into Billy No Bollocks and bottled it. Between my fearful shrieks during the jungle night tour and quitting the Superman zipline, all credibility with my tour group had all gone. At this point, I was now staring out at the deep valley ahead and didn’t want to do it at all, but I had to save some face in front of the less-than-impressed friends I had acquired. I got harnessed up and set off. I couldn’t face looking around at the forest below, but instead focused my attention on the endpoint edging closer and closer. It was hell. I can safely say that I am done with adrenaline-inducing activities. No more bungee jumping, paragliding, or blind dates.

Not me, but some other idiot

Next, we travelled to La Fortuna. It’s situated a mere 25km away, but with a rainforest and a lake in between, we had to take the long 3-hour route around. La Fortuna is positioned at the base of Arenal Volcano (one letter missing for a legendary name). It’s also home to wild sloths. Tourists rush to the roadside trees to see them, but in conformation to popular belief, they do bugger all. I got some snaps of one scratching its arse, but that was just about all the activity for that particular day.

We spent the final few days enjoying the bars in town. On our penultimate night, we went out for dinner and a chilled evening of pool and beers. However, this escalated quickly with tequila playing a large role in the escalation. From the pool hall, a contingent decided the next move was to a discotheque. We were quite an assortment of people that included my roommate AJ the mid-30 6’4” IT worker, Claire the 40-something accountant, Dave the 78-year-old Kiwi, Lena the 20-something blogger, and Georgie the 20-something data analyst (the last two were probably the only two who had any business being in that club in the first place). We had a boogie on the dancefloor and I noticed a lot of females were looking over to our group as I thought of Del Boy’s words of wisdom “I think we’re on a winner here, play it nice a cool.” They soon started to make their way over to us only to walk straight past me to Dave. They were all dancing with him and taking selfies together while I had figuratively fallen through the bar.

The tour concluded in Costa Rica’s capital of San Jose – a town no one ever needs to visit. As a group, we all said our goodbyes. Some returned home, while others continued on their journeys to different parts of the globe. This was my first experience of a group tour (excluding my 3-day trip to North Korea, which was a very different experience) and while I was hesitant in the beginning, I came to enjoy meeting new people and sharing experiences together. I was also very happy to have joined the geriatric tour whereby I’m the youngest in the group and comfort is a high priority.

Next stop, Peru!

Central America Part 1: Guatemala, Honduras, and El Salvador

After 3 years of surviving the pandemic in China, I decided to leave for a sabbatical (a fancier word for ‘period of unemployment’). I determined that I needed a well-deserved break from all things China and to escape the madness. I made it home for Christmas and felt like Chris Rea on my way back, but where he was surrounded by traffic and red lights, I was surrounded by hazmat suits and red communist flags, otherwise exactly the same.

The Christmas period is a great time to be home. Everyone’s off work, there’s football on every day, and there’s an acceptance to drink alcohol with breakfast. It was great to catch up with friends and family after 3 long years, but after the Christmas period, things return to normal very quickly. People go back to work and some begin ‘dry January’ which makes you question your friendship with them. It is especially hard for those in a period of unemployment as you’re left with very little to do, which is when I got that ‘itchy feet’ feeling. I resolved my underlying skin issues (atopic dermatitis, if you were wondering) and then I got the desire to travel.

It’s rare to have such an opportunity to travel for a long period of time. At my age, it was probably the last chance to enjoy a 3-month trip before settling down. Not that I’m old, but it just starts to become weird if you’re that older guy still kicking it with the kids. Anyway, I began planning my trip with the possibility to go anywhere! Asia? I’ve covered most of that. Russia? Too hostile. Africa? Too destitute. You know, when I’m on holiday I don’t want poverty to bring my mood down. So, I settled on two parts of the world I have never been to before - Central and South America. Sure, there’s poverty in that part of the world, but it’s less shocking, so it’s easier to ignore.

I started planning meticulously where to go, where to stay, what to do, but it’s exhausting for a trip of this magnitude. I’d be travelling by myself, so I’d be free to do anything I wanted, but I didn’t know where to start. A friend had told me about joining a tour group where the itinerary is planned for you, accommodation is booked, a tour guide explains everything to you, and you don’t have to worry about speaking the local lingo. The only downside is that you don’t get to choose the people you’ll be spending a number of weeks with. They could be narcissists, sex offenders, or even worse Tottenham fans. Despite this risk, I decided to go for it. It definitely seemed the easier option compared to staying in hostels and trying to make friends on a daily basis. I couldn’t face the potential rejection as I face enough rejection on dating apps.

It was all set 3 weeks in Central America travelling through Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Costa Rica. From there I would fly to South America through Peru, Bolivia, Chile, Argentina, Uruguay, and Brazil over 10 weeks.

Guatemala

The meeting point for the tour was in Antigua, Guatemala. This is where I’d meet the group members. The groups are advertised to 18-30 somethings, and I was hoping the group would have a few more 30 somethings than 18-year-olds. I checked into the hotel and had arrived before my roommate. I dropped my bag and found that the meeting time was 6pm, which gave me time to explore Antigua.

A beautiful place to begin the tour

When I returned to the hotel that evening, I opened the door to the hotel to meet my roommate, AJ. He was wearing nothing but a towel. I didn’t know where to look, but I knew where not to look. I shook his hand and introduced myself while trying to act cool and casual. Contrary to the rumours, I try not to make a habit of meeting men in changing rooms where they’re only wearing towels. AJ and I chatted about how we’d spent the last couple of days getting to Guatemala and then realised we were late for the meeting. We raced down and joined the meeting where my expectations were interrupted. The group of people I met were more likely to have been born in 1918-1930 something rather than being aged 18-30 something. I wondered what I had gotten myself into. What I realised was that there are younger tour groups available, but I had opted for the ‘comfort’ tour meaning it was aimed at people of all ages. I felt that I was on a SAGA holiday.

Over the coming weeks, I would get to know everyone on the tour, but the first person was Georgie, mid-20s, from Bath. As one of the few youngsters on the tour, I was drawn to her immediately. She gave me someone to bond with and through a quick chat we realised we had a mutual friend. Her best friend from school also moved to Beijing and played for Beijing Celtic Ladies! Not that I played for Beijing Celtic Ladies, but you know what I mean.

Honduras

The next day we were already on the move to Honduras. All aboard the early bus and I got chatting to Raymond, 60-ish, from Belfast. Within seconds we established we are both Gooners and spent the next 5 hours on the bus talking about how much we love William Saliba. He also explained that he was teetotal as he’d many bad experiences with alcohol. His bad experiences that lead to him giving up the booze sounded like standard Saturday nights for me. I told him he was just hitting his stride during that period.

My knowledge of all things Honduran was limited to Maynor Figueroa and Wilson Palacios (the latter having played for Sp*rs, so we weren’t off to a great start). We were taken to the ruins of Copan, which is an archaeological site of the Maya civilization. Geographically, the Mayans were located from Southern Mexico down as far as El Salvador. Their civilisation dates as far back as 2000 B.C., but the city of Copan was established around 426 A.D. The ancient Mayans have been credited with many great inventions including the concept of the number ‘0’, chocolate, a complex calendar system, a written language, and astronomy. They also massacred people and sacrificed children to the gods. Copan may be the only place more dangerous for children than the set of ITV’s This Morning.

Nature has reclaimed the buildings of the past

El Salvador

Only a day was spent in Honduras exploring the ruins before we were back on the bus and off to El Salvador. El Salvador had been in the news recently for the opening of their ‘mega prison’ which can contain up to 40,000 prisoners. For years, El Salvador had some of the worst gang crime in the world, which president Nayib Bukele was determined to tackle. He gave approval to the police forces to arrest any suspected gang members with gang tattoos being enough evidence to arrest and sentence them. His tough stance on crime has seen more than 64,000 people arrested. The effects of this have reduced crime rates and the homicide rate has remained at 0 for the past year.

Our tour guide, Choco (a nickname given to him regarding his poor eyesight), warned us about the political changes in the country with the caveat that these don’t affect tourists. One concerned group member was Tommy, 40-ish, from Chicago and the most flamboyantly gay man I have ever met. He was concerned that he would be targeted and arrested for his tattoos. Unless there is a gang in El Salvador that uses a unicorn as their gang symbol, then Tommy had nothing to worry about. Tommy and I got on really well, as it went. He was very self-indulgent and all conversations revolved around him. I didn’t mind him and found his flamboyant ways quite funny. Tommy liked spending time with me for obvious reasons. I’m very much a lust object for the homosexuals, I’m used to the attention.

Our first stop in El Salvador was the quaint town of Suchitoto. This tranquil, colonial town was picturesque, but it came with a dark history. During the Salvadoran Civil War, the surrounding jungle wilderness was the hiding spots for the guerrilla fighters who fought against the El Salvadoran national military. They were fighting in response to the mistreatment of the poor, the assassination of Archbishop Oscar Romero, and an alliance with the United States. During the height of the war, many people had moved from the towns to the underground tunnels in the surrounding mountains. We went on a guided hiking tour to see these former guerrilla settlements. Everyone in the group signed up for the tour including Ian, 78, from Liverpool. Everyone asked him if he was certain that he wanted to go, not because of any physical worries, but because he was legally blind. When I was back home and imagined my tour, I thought I would share experiences with new friends, go for beers with the lads, and even meet a few saucy birds, I didn’t think I’d be hanging out with David Blunkett. Out came his white stick and off he went tapping his way through the forest with Choco on hand to guide him. “Watch that rock on your left. Be careful of the tree stump on the right. Make sure you don’t step off the 50-foot drop.”

Guns and bullet holes are reminders of the war

We moved on to the town of El Cuco, San Miguel. The trip had been a whirlwind up to this point. Every day we were doing a tour or on the road, but arriving in El Cuco made us feel that we were finally on holiday. It was an idyllic town on the beach. I assume that due to the country’s reputation for crime and violence, there isn’t much tourism in El Salvador. This beautiful spot was pretty much void of tourists, which was great for us. We spent the next few days relaxing by the beach, playing cards, drinking beer, and forgetting about the problems of the world. It was here where I watched Arsenal vs Bournemouth. Arsenal 0-2 down as the title race was still very much on. Thomas Partey gave us a fighting chance on 62 minutes, Ben White equalised on 70 minutes, giving Raymond and I an anxious end of the game until the 97^th minute when Reiss Nelson pings on in the far corner. Ray and I erupted with joyous acclamation. It put smiles on our faces for the next week. I’ll always remember El Cuco for that moment.

Zhangjiajie, Hunan: Labour Day Pains

We recently just celebrated the Labour Day holiday here in China and were fortunate enough to get a 5-day break! However, China has this weird system that you must work back days in order to get them off for the holiday, so we had to work the Sunday before and the Saturday after. It makes no sense, but I guess that’s where the Party’s hard-working nature comes from. They couldn’t possibly let you enjoy free time with your friends and family without making you have to work for it.

Anyway, Hannah and I went down south to Hunan province. Since I’ve been in China, I’ve wanted to take a trip to Zhangjiajie (been in China 4 years and still pronounce this wrong every time). Zhangjiajie is famous for its national parks, especially Wulingyuan Scenic Area which is where James Cameron filmed the 2009 film Avatar. I watched the movie back when I was at university and haven’t watched it since. That’s not to say it’s a bad movie, but it’s about American troops invading a foreign land in order to extract valuable resources, which sounds oddly familiar. 

Hannah booked our flights to depart on the Friday afternoon at 17:20 without asking me. This caused an issue as I was due to work until 16:30. I had to message the head of department in the morning and say I was “sick”, but I’d still come into work because I don’t want to let anyone down, however, I’d need to leave at precisely 14:00 as that’s when I’ll be feeling my worst. 

Zhangjiajie is a “small city” for China that has a population of about 1.5 million people. That’s a good understanding of the magnitude of China’s population as this small city has more people than Estonia’s and Iceland’s entire population combined. 

On our first morning in Zhangjiajie, we woke up early to beat the crowds and went to explore Tianmen Mountain. Its most famous point is Heaven’s Gate, which started as a cave before the rear collapsed now forming a hole in the mountain. It has 999 steps leading to the top which is known as the stairway to heaven. The rest of the park can be explored on an elevated walkway that slithers around the top of the cliff edges. Looking over the side makes your legs feel weak and your stomach sink and you look at the 200m drop. A perfect place for a murder I imagine as you can push your enemy over the fence and blame an accidental trip or unexpected wind. Something to bear in mind anyway.

Tianmen Mountain takes half a day to explore, so after lunch, we took a bus north to the Zhangjiajie National Forest Park to see the famous “Avatar Mountains”. We tried to beat the crowds on the Sunday morning, but there was no way of avoiding it. We queued for the Bailong Elevator, literally "hundred dragons sky lift", which is the largest outdoor elevator in the world at 326m high (which is quite a unique claim) and got pushed as people shoved past to get centimetres closer to the people in front. In that situation, you either act like a local or you just give up and go with the flow. I don’t have it in me to act like an inconsiderate Chinese tourist, so I just walked with the crowd shaking my head in disbelief every 15 seconds. We got in the lift and it rocketed us up to the top of the tall, slender mountains. The views were epic and once you could break free from the crowds it became enjoyable. 

The sun was shining, the views were spectacular, and around every corner was another rock formation that just took your breath away. It was incredible and the picture will never do it justice, you will just have to go yourself to understand the true beauty (but try to avoid public holidays).

The park is huge and spans 12,000 acres, which means that it’s possible to get away from the crowds. There are so many trails and walkways that are just free of people. It seemed that the Chinese tourists weren’t willing to explore these trails unless there was a guarantee of there being a souvenir shop to purchase some at. We spent the remainder of the day blissfully walking the trails and enjoying the delights that China has to offer. 

The next day was a bit of a reality check. Thunder and heavy downpours interrupted our much-needed sleep, and our plans of exploring were dashed. We stayed at the hotel relaxing in the morning and watched Father of the Bride in bed. We thought that it would have been a waste of a day not to explore a little even if it meant that we got wet. We suited up in some dashing raincoats and rain boots and set off. What we discovered was that once we got the cable car up the mountain, we were in the clouds and above the rain. We could enjoy the fresh air but the visibility was hampered somewhat. We got lucky on occasion as the clouds and mist parted to reveal the emerging mountain stacks.

As we continued to explore the clouds lifted and we got to enjoy the mist-covered mountains. It was another spectacular sight that we were lucky to enjoy. Fortune favours the brave. 

On the final day trailing the park, we headed for the only part we hadn’t explored -  the Gold Whip Stream. It was part of the park that offered a different perspective of the mountains. We walked along the peaceful stream and marvelled at the enormity of the mountains around us. 

It’s a truly magical place that you should visit if given the opportunity (I know it’s not so easy now in a COVID world). Along with Guilin, it’s one of the most beautiful places I have visited in China, if not the world (even with the pushy locals). I didn’t see any Avatar aliens while I was there, but you might get luckier on your visit.